# 2011 Game 127: Mauers w/Pauers at P*ssy Single Hitters

Tonight, the Twins get to take on somebody their own size for a change. The O’s are a sad 47-77, on pace for 101 losses per coolstandings.com.

Pitching matchup:
Zach Jeremy Britton for the O’s (scheduled; he’s coming off the 15-day DL, although it was for a strain in his non-pitching shoulder)
Carl Pavanostache for the Twins.

Bal’more is tied with Minnesota and Seattle for having used the most position players this season (35 different players have had PA), but they’ve gotten much better offensive production out of all that deck-chair shuffling (team OPS+ of 99, compared to 85 for the Twinkies).

On the bright side, the O’s pitching staff leads the AL in HR allowed by a wide margin (157; Twins are tied for second at 130) and is last in the AL in “defensive efficiency” according to b-r (Twins are two rungs higher). So I’m rooting for a slugfest. How long has it been since Jimbo had a three-HR game??

(oh, and that Wieters guy? He’s hitting 261/319/404 with 12 HRs and 69:32 K:BB in 426 PA, compared to Joe’s 288/350/352, 1 HR and 33:23 in 277; so I suppose you could say that the moniker kind of fits this season)

### 237 LTEs written in response to 2011 Game 127: Mauers w/Pauers at P*ssy Single Hitters

• What time zone are you in again, bS?

• brianS

whoops. I had 5:00 start on the brain and didn’t translate that it was 5:00 local, not 5:00 central. My bad.

• sean

This game is way too early. It’s 5:30 here and we’re already in the fifth!

• socaltwinsfan

Just a little early, but here’s the lineup. Could be real interesting to watch.

JoeCStrib JoeChristensen
#Twins vs. #Orioles LH Britton: Revere 8, Plouffe 6, Mauer 3, Cuddyer 9, Kubel 7, Thome DH, Valencia 5, Hughes 4, Butera 2. (Pavano P)

• brianS

Not enough lefties in that lineup for my taste.

It’s as if Gardy’s trying to show Pavano that he could always find a worse infield defense to put behind him.

• vodkatang

JJ Hardy is back in town and boy do I miss him. Pretty damning stuff from Hardy:

@PMac21 Phil Mackey
I remember chatting w/ J.J. Hardy in Sarasota during spring training in March, and he said he got a little nervous when his wrist flared up

Regarding the flare-up, Hardy said this today: “The trainers worked on it, got rid of it in about a week, and I haven’t dealt with it since”

Did O’s training staff do something different than #Twins’ staff? “Yeah. I don’t want to get into that too much and make people look bad.”

Excuse me while I go throw up. Does anyone else think the training staff’s incompetence has a lot to do with Mauer’s lingering leg issues? I do.

• I agree with you, as usual.

Seriously, I don’t know what’s wrong with this training staff, but I think they’ve shown us all they need to show us. At this point I can only assume they’re using a voodoo healer or something.

• I’m still waiting on a response from Dave St. Peter re: my “Are there actually MDs on the team’s medical staff, or do you have a sweetheart deal with Holiday Inn Express?” tweet.

• AMR

Two years ago, Rany Jazayerli had a similar rant about the Royals’ trainer (which got contentious as he was an MD giving a non-medical opinion on a medical issue). In the next offseason, the trainer was replaced. I wish there was a Twins-blogger doctor who could give an unprofessional opinion about the Twins’ trainers. Hey, brianS, what academic designation do you have?

• brianS

Piled higher and Deeper.

• AMR

Then start drawing conclusions about the Twins’ Medical staff and at the end say “I’m a doctor!”

• Hee hee.

• SBG

Yeah, I’m not a fan of the training staff. Everybody who gets hurt always takes longer than the original prognosis. That’s pretty damning.

• vodkatang

Wait, there’s more. Mackey tweets he was told the Twins were going to non tender Hardy last year until the Orioles showed interest in a trade. Similar to Young this year.Obviously, Hardy has been way better this year than he was for the Twins. But in what world is it even conceivable that Hardy would be a non tender candidate? Doesn’t this represent a fundamental failure in the ability to evaluate talent and the scarcity of talent at certain positions?

Isn’t trading for Jim Hoey the same as non-tendering Hardy?

• Beau

you forget Hardy had a -3.4 SGD+ (Sleeping w/ Gardy’s Daughter, adjusted)

• socaltwinsfan

Hardy averaged 1 rWAR the last two seasons and was going to get a raise to about $6M. His defense had declined for three years in a row (and continues to decline this year). His best offensive attribute is his power, which is muted by the Twins’ home ballpark. I am not at all surprised he’s much better offensively going to Camden Yards. They should have gotten more for him, but I don’t think they missed on his evaluation. It was Nishioka they totally missed on. Hopefully, he’s just having a bad transition year, but the biggest mistake the Twins made this year was Nishi. • vodkatang I don’t know how you can separate the two mistakes. I get that Hardy would not have so many home runs in target field this year but the offense is just gravy in my opinion. The fact that they thought Hardy wouldnt be worth 6 million dollars even at last years level of production is disturbing. • bhiggum With the Twins medical staff, there’s a 50-50 shot Hardy would have been DL’ed for at least half the season. • I think the biggest issue with Nishioka was that the Twins basically installed him with no backup plan in the infield. If they’d kept Hardy and signed Nishioka to bolster the infield, I think the move isn’t quite so bad because you have Hardy at short and Casilla is an adequate backup in case Nishioka is a disaster (which he has been) or a perfect bench player. Signing Nishioka and trading Hardy was completely foolish. And that’s been proven night after night this season. • SBG What about Laddie!?!?! • socaltwinsfan Plouffe was probably the backup plan and he had a monster season at AAA, although no one could have predicted that. Unfortunately, his throwing became a problem and Gardy couldn’t trust him, so he got moved off short. Maybe tonight can start to change that. I don’t see how Plouffe is a downgrade defensively from Nishi. • Beau On the Grill: Pork tenderloin wrapped with 8 pieces of No-Name Peppered Bacon. And fresh green beans. • cowdisciple I have an excellent pheasant pot pie tonight, with scratch sage biscuits on top. Also a big PBR. • bhiggum Mmmmm, pheasant. Yet another delicious hunting season is just around the corner… • cowdisciple I’m looking forward to ruffling a grouse. Apple-ginger grouse is pretty unbeatable. • bhiggum Not many grouse here in eastern SD- don’t think I’ve ever eaten any, but I’m sure I’d like it. • New Britain Bo Grouse is my favorite. Drag in milk, then flour/salt/pepper. Brown on both sides with oil and butter. Add a cup of water. Cover and simmer until done. Remove meat, add water from boiling potatoes to make a couple of cups liquid. Dissolve 1-2 tbsp corn starch in 1/2 c. water. Slowly stir in to get the desired thickness -- you’ll know when is enough. Serve over mashed potatoes w/ milk, butter, salt, and pepper. • meat We’re having red curry chicken and zucchini and a summit ipa. • brianS I’m planning to make pasta with a green bean pesto (to use up a mess of green beans before they go off the reservation). • New Britain Bo Lamb chops w/ garden rosemary, seared with red chard, carrots, and garden zucchini -- paired with Columbia Valley CMS Cab. Not bad. • I have cheddar brats and macaroni & cheese. Yum. • SBG Pork chops and sliced potatoes on the grill. Salad with home grown tomatoes. Corn on the cob. Steamed broccoli and carrots. • I suppose you could say that the monikers kind of fit this season. -ed • brianS that too. • hungry joe hey, rhu_ru: PatNeshek Bought 3 unopened 1970 Topps baseball cello packs that are in case and graded, do you guys think I should crack them open #praying4gemmints PatNeshek I’m opening them, prob though is I had them shipped to FL so when I find out where I’m playing next or if my season is done I’ll youtube it • So, Morneau’s hurt again? • brianS sore foot from fouling a ball off it on saturday. • GreekHouse Hey, guess who’s watching the game on a big screen TV and not sitting on the floor? • hungry joe some guy who hijacked a truck in indiana? • GreekHouse Probably. Also, probably Morneau. • brianS so we know who to blame when this one goes sour. • brianS Pavano says “I don’t need no stinkin’ infield.” • bhiggum Well, other than Mauer, anyhow. • brianS It’s like The King and His Court out there. • brianS PSHC1b. • Nice job, Mark Grace. • brianS It’s so cute how Carl is building up the confidence of his infield. • meat Is it just me or does charlie Manuel sound like Boomhauer? • bhiggum Now I want to hear Thome and Manuel talking to each other as they stand alongside a road. • SBG My wife was talking to me when I read that. Why are you laughing at me, she said. • bhiggum I get that a lot from my wife. It’s not nearly as funny when I try and explain the whole thing to her as it is to me when I’m reading it. • If it’s Lutheran Night tonight, presumably all the concessions stands are manned by church ladies. • SBG Hot dish on a stick. • Ryan Adams? He was damn good in Whiskeytown. • SBG Went to half price books yesterday. Picked up the complete short stories by Hemmingway. Plus, downloaded a Mitchell book. • New Britain Bo The Short, Happy Life of Francis Macomber a favorite. Love it when Margot dispatches her husband. • SBG First one in the book. I woke up in the middle of the night and read half of it to get me back to sleep. 69 short stories! I’m pretty excited about that. • I need to get that. What Mitchel book? • Er, Mitchell? • SBG Ghostwriter. It sounds like they are all good, so I’ll start at the beginning. You got me with that article from the Times on him. • He seems like such a cat. I’ve read all five and enjoyed them all. • bhiggum Oh, it’s time for one of those innings. I’ll look away for a while, then. • whiffers Thanks for the out, Orioles. What a stupid sac bunt. • SBG$115 million payroll and Drew Butera has hundreds of at bats.

• He is close to 350 ABs in his career. He has to be one of the 10 worst players to reach that many ABs, right?

• brianS

and Juan Castro ranks 13th among non-pitchers with 400+ PA.

• SBG

But, he did not sleep with Gardy’s daughter.

• sean

He’s not even in the bottom 200 for batting, where #200 is around -100 runs for their career. If I switch to rWAR, #200 is at -2.7, which is two wins below Butera. He has a long, long way to go.

• bhiggum

Yeah, that’s probably a worse offense by the FO than having Nishi over Hardy. It’s a close call, anyhow.

• brianS

Where’s Rhu when we needed him? They should have “SEND(ED) HIM!!!!”

• I really wish Bert would knock it off with Hawking at the ball.

• bhiggum

Umm, what?

• With Jones reaching for it, Bert urged Plouffe’s double to “Get by him!”

• bhiggum

I wasn’t sure if Hawking was Stephen or Harrelson- I figured it was the latter, but thought you might be going for something very obscure.

• I’d gone here.

• Even the Rural Dictionary has that one.

• meat

Joe Mauer =\= Matt Wieters

• brianS

those first two pitches to Cuddy both would have been strikes to Juicy last inning.

• If Kubel had a shovel handle he just might have had a chance to reach that one.

• New Britain Bo

One iron for Kubes. Now time for HOF’er JiTho.

• New Britain Bo

Ratch.

• brianS

Ooooooh. Juiced for Jimbo!

• THIS STORY ONLY ENDS ONE WAY

• brianS

Ok, I’m out. Before the inevitable collapse???

• SBG

OMG. deep to left, Dick? Gordo is embarrassed for you.

• I loved how he walked it back, too. A “little more loft on it” and Thome would have popped to short.

• New Britain Bo

Wow -- Phillies spank Mets ten zip -- ruh roh.

• Heard “O Valencia” on the radio this evening; I’m saying this is Juicy’s game to win.

• hungry joe

who’s playing “o, valencia” on the radio?

• local college radio, which is why I listen to it

• hungry joe

good station.

i listen to NPR and my JoePod pretty much exclusively. i was telling this to a co-worker i was driving with as she was flipping through the standard, banal top-40 and “classics” stations. i told her the one exception was 93XRT, which plays decent stuff from time to time. she flipped it over, and i heard about 3 seconds of wilco playing before she flipped it back, remarking “mmm, never heard it before.” i was effectively gobsmacked.

• I’m just happy to have a station that will play something different, at least. Plus, The Wood is sponsoring They Might Be Giant’s concert here next month

• bhiggum

Points for using gobsmacked in a sentence. Double points for using it to end the story.

• meat

The insight that Coom Dog provides is making me dumber.

• meat

Oh, my ears are bleeding.

• The Oriole feed is lazily traditional, but I’ll take any amount of that over a single Coomer interview.

• I wish they would interview Dale Gribble.

• bhiggum

Conspiracy!

• Situational awareness.

• New Britain Bo

Whassup?

• Why are they booing Hardy? Boo the idiot GM.

• that HR was appropriate

• Too bad Hardy can’t go long at Target Field.

• meat

Oh, snap!

• meat

I don’t like stoopid fans, but bringing up bartman isn’t really warranted, dick.

• SBG

Moises Alou was the villain there. He never was going to catch that ball.

• meat

Oh, no doubt. It makes me more than a little sad to know that Bartman’s life was forever transformed for the negative over a foul ball.

• The CUBS were the villains. The game was theirs to win whether that ball was caught or not. Still, moral is, Bartman was a more convenient excuse than the goat.

• SBG

That’s just the way the game goes. Alou, however, stood there and complained about Bartman. That’s the unforgivable part.

• brianS

That’s what comes with pissin’ on your hands all the time.

• SBG

Twins HR: 36H 44A
Opp HR: 67H 64A

• They can’t field a lick, but at least the Twins are weak.

• bhiggum

They got faster in the off-season, not stronger!

• The kind of speed they’ve got perfect for a race to the bottom of the standings…

• bhiggum

Ouch. Hurts ’cause it’s true.

• bhiggum

It’s like the Twins don’t hit homeruns or somesuch.

• meat

Dick and Bert are just figuring out that Sean was right.

• Strike 3 to Thome was juuuuuuust a bit outside.

• bhiggum

I wouldn’t hate Wieters as much if people hadn’t compared him to Mauer, but I think I’d still hate him.

• bhiggum

I was going to reply to Zack, but then a homerun ball landed near me and I got excited.

• it was borderline enough. if he’d have laid off pitch #2, it would have been no question

• SBG

Make that 68.

• GreekHouse

Stupid Wieners.

• bhiggum

That would definitely be his nickname if he was a Twin- well, probably not the stupid part.

• SBG

• meat

And Drue Butera continues to smoke the ball into the glove of the defense.

• Lauer with Weiner

• The other alternative, Dick, is that half this roster is crap.

• I’d put it closer to 60-65%.

• The seventh inning ride of Ben Revere.

• whiffers

That catch is a reminder of why watching baseball, even with this crappy team on the field, can be worth the time investment.

• He had two catches and a failed inside-the-parker in last week’s Top 100 Plays in MLB Network.

• Hard to miss Go-Go with a week like that.

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

I will always miss Go-Go.

• Alright, that was a hell of a catch, Ben.

Now, if you could replace your wet noodle with a bat…

• hungry joe

damn, son.

• Gordo nearly plotzed.

• meat

No, I’m pretty sure he shat.

• hungry joe

same with dickey.

• meat

Well, I though dick more or less blatz‘d

• brianS

mmmm, good times. I spent a lot of evenings in the family basement, pool cue in hand and long necks of Blatz near by.

• Man, I remember pounding long-necks of that stuff snatched from ice-filled styrofoam coolers tucked in the trunks of early 70′s Detroit automobiles. Ah, high school…

The following day was usually a marathon of plotz shat Bremmer.

• meat

I have a feeling that you and I drank in some of the same gravel parking lots.

• The Pit? Seven Mile Creek? Wayside Rest number X? We prolly did, neighbor.

• Splatz were definitely involved.

• GreekHouse

That was the most amazing catch I’ve ever seen.

• brianS

On the bright side, I got me one of these tonight. \$5.99 for a sixer at Trader Joes.

• I’m going to point out that Willie Mays never had to worry about running into the center field fence in the Polo Grounds.

• GreekHouse

I know I use hyperbole a lot, but this time, I actually meant what I said.

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

I got here just in time to miss the greatest catch of all time. Great.

• SBG

If the 4ltr has any sense they’ll show it tonight.

• meat

As a Yankees clip, no doubt.

• brianS

MVP!

• SBG

I was reading today that Kubel might end up on another AL Central team next year because “they’ve seen what he can do”. Please God, don’t let him end up with the ChiSux.

• I’m expecting him to join the other Sox, where he’ll hit 40 bombs a year.

• meat

• Today, since I didn’t have Omar to tend to, I went straight to the bar for happy hour. Since I haven’t really drank much this month, I’m feeling it pretty good right now.

• bhiggum

I don’t drink much, so at two-fers for happy hour, I’m done long before the hour is up.

• Beau

showtime

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

Gardy never wins against Wendelstedt.

• Beau

type in his name in Google Images and about 15% of the pictures have Gardy in them

• You aren’t kidding. That’s definitely greater than random chance Gardy shows up.

• In this case, Danny deserved to get tossed. Gardy might not have seen his gesture to Wendelstedt, though.

• SBG

Gardy wanted to get run.

• brianS

Showtime.

• hungry joe

heh.

• meat

Where is that bat-girl audio clip?

• I have a copy of that on my harddrive here somewhere…

Sad that the only thing left to watch the locals for are ejections. (And catches that make the media talent incontinent.)

• hungry joe

if i was a manager and got tossed, even if there was a well established chain o’ command, on my walk to the clubhouse i’d still say something like, “liddle, you have the comm.”

• Make it so, Number One.

• That’d be awesome. Maybe take a key off from around your neck and hand it to Vavra.

• SBG

God, I’m glad I’m not paying to watch this game (other than my cable bill).

• GreekHouse

Perkins is getting grizzly.

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

Just saw the Revere catch. I don’t think elm’n would have caught it.

• meat

I don’t think the FotF would have got that one either.

• hungry joe

yeah, but he would’ve killed himself trying to.

• He’d have broken a bone.

• SBG

And not come out of the game!

• heh heh heh

• SBG

I remember about five years realizing the FOTF was overrated when I saw Granderson go back on balls that ii could never get to.

• (Just saw it.) Holy Cow! I don’t think Spiderman could have caught that one.

• brianS

yea, that was pretty awesome. but Kirby coulda had it (because he always played deep).

I also want to note that both Wieters and JJ were standing like 9 feet away from the plate on their respective HRs. Why would you EVER try to go inside on a guy who has to extend his arms to reach the middle of the plate????

• sean

So, two Pedroias away?

• brianS

Heh heh. Approximately.

• Why do we still pick on Torii? He hasn’t played for the Twins in 4 years. Shouldn’t we have dropped it and moved on by now?

• I’m with you, Mags. memes die hard at the WGOM.

Despite his faults, the dude played some damn good ball in a Minny kit.

• SBG

Would you prefer that we focus on this year’s club?

• What have they done for me lately?

• SBG

Stunk out the joint all summer long.

• It’d be cooler if they did (have a joint.)

• I dunno, it just seems petty, and I like to think we’re above that around here to some degree.

• meat

Aw, shucks. I’m nothing if not way into tom petty.

• SBG

Yeah, but only because he plays left.

• hungry joe

• We suck.

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

• [pooping dog.jpg]

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

No biggie, we will get ‘em tomorrow.

• What do they have to do to make your prediction come true right now? 35 wins and about negative-3 losses?

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

It wasn’t a prediction. It was a mathematical proof!

• Please don’t post a picture of the Calf in a tin-foil hat…

• FirstTime "hitman" LongTime

He is sleeping, too. Now would have been the perfect time to take the picture!

• GreekHouse

That was quick and painful.

• SBG

GOSO.

• HomerDome

Three more chances to win against the league’s worst team.

• Which team are you talking about?

• socaltwinsfan

Twins are 38-35 since June 2.

• davidwatts

it seems like we scored more runs when our Rochester Red Wing lineup played everyday

• *socal gathering statistical data

• brianS

in New Guy’s absence, SOMEONE has to fill the optimist role

• The optimist position has been eliminated. Call it down-sizing.

• socaltwinsfan

I just stated a statistic. You guys came up with the conclusion.

• What’s their record since the All-Star break?

• That one feels closer to the truth that socal’s.

• socaltwinsfan

SSS

• brianS

well played, socal.

• I don’t see it as optomistic at all. I see it as they’ve totally squandered away that great run from June through the AS Game.

• And I see that “great run” as a fluke. This is a bad baseball team. Hard to spin it any other way.

• SBG

The run differential gods would agree. Since June 2nd, the Twins have been outscored 330-301.

• I’m not disagreeing with you. I’m just pointing out that “great run” has been pretty much cancelled out by a “great collapse”. There’s nothing optomistic about that.

• Or optimistic, either.

• I’m blaming my non-existent droid-based phone, like bS does. Plus this season I haven’t had much opportunity to type that word.

• brianS

These are not the Droids you’re looking for.

• socaltwinsfan

These are not the Droids we’re looking for.

• brianS

Move along.