First Pitch – 6:07 p.m. CT
Television – FSN
INTEROFFICE MEMO
To: Terry Ryan
From: Twins Fans (aka The Job Creators)
Re: Why Our Team Sucks
1. Starting pitching
2. Starting pitching
3. Starting pitching
4. Drew Butera
You have six months to fix this. The clock is ticking.
Play Ball!
Welcome to Spring Training! Here are your lineups:
Twins (66-93)
1. Ben Revere, CF
2. Jamey Carroll, 2B
3. Joe Mauer, DH
4. Chris Parmelee, 1B
5. Trevor Plouffe, 3B
6. Matt Carson, RF
7. Chris Herrmann, LF
8. Drew Butera, C
9. Pedro Florimon, SS
Pitching: Esmerling Vasquez, RHP
Blue Jays (70-89)
1. Rajai Davis, RF
2. Colby Rasmus, CF
3. Brett Lawrie, 3B
4. Adam Lind, 1B
5. Yunel Escobar, DH
6. Kelly Johnson, 2B
7. Adeiny Hechavarria, SS
8. Jeff Mathis, C
9. Anthony Gose, LF
Aaron Laffey, LHP
at least with Herrmann, unlike that pussy, he comes with experience at playing something other than catcher.
In yesterday’s game log, Rhu-Ru linked to the 1976 AL batting race stats. Looking at the page, I had forgotten how deep that team was offensively. Carew was insane, of course, but other Twins pop up all over the Top Ten categories -- Bostock #4 in BA and #5 in triples, Braun (!) #8 in OBP (and that was even after adding “ghost” PAs to get him up to the minimum, #10 in SB%; Ford #9 in slugging, #10 in Runs, #9 in HRs, #2 in HBP; Hisle #4 in RBIs and #9 in sac flies; Wynegar (!) #9 in BBs; Randall #4 in sacrifice hits, #5 in HBP.
I was a young Twins fan at the time and just didn’t recall how good a year Disco Danny Ford had… or that Steve Braun put up.
and that’s why you don’t do that
Revere had that base stolen
nice catch by Butera
That ball went far
PLLLOOOUUUFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE
Pluffda!
That ball went kind of far
Far enough, right?
Wgom anagram fun:
Anagrams for: adeiny hechavarria
(Nein, Nada, Nikto)
A heavier yard chain?
A hyena-haired vicar?
Hey, I hired a caravan!
U rule.
yay Mauer yay!
Riot me likey.
Man, Dick and Bert are giving it to each other pretty hard tonight.
Like making fun of each other, I mean.
I’m disappointed Dick isn’t going to paint his face or rock the pom-pons.
Caught the tail end of Dazzle talking about stealing home; if he was referring to the game at the Big A, I was at that one
Cabrera grounded out in his first PA.
Down to .325 and a two point (rounded) lead on Joe.
don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett! don’t bring in Burnett!
SEND HIM!!it
Not clever enough.
BRONZE
Yeah, it was more of a side(bar) joke.
And I’ll gladly take a bronze
I hope you’ve got a humdinger, bhig, because mine’s a bit disappointing. While I’m not exactly phoning it in, it’s not very inspired.
It took a while, but it came together decently at the end. Not my best work, but I’ve submitted things that I liked a lot less.
Zoinks, Scoob.
Had to tell HPR about Nishi. He took it reasonably well. Just a disappointed “Nuts.”
SENT HIM!!
Meanwhile, Provus totally Battey’d Knobby’s >40 SB seasons and declared Rod Carew the last to have 40 or more in a season.
Revere 40 bases. Best since Carew.
Agent Smith smokes out a ribeye. I approve this ad.
you fell for Provus’ false propaganda
Are you implying that everything on the radio is not on the up and up?
Well, Wikipedia says the radio isn’t totally correct, anyway.
I’ll give you that. Runner > Provii.
pfft, anyone reading the Revere Roundup on WGOM homepage knew that!
And updated! Rather easy when nothing else changes.
Actually, Knoblauch’s records all belong to the Texas Rangers, so Provus is correct even if Knoblauch was a Twin at the time he stole those bases.
what the heck drugs are you on, AMR??
Knobby wasn’t a True Twin.
what the heck drugs are you on, bS?
I think it might have been these drugs:
c’mon Joe…
crapatoa
the last time Burnett struck 3 batters out in an appearance was Apr 12. He pitched 2 innings.
Did Burnett just strikeout three consecutive batters?
I still would be fine with him in a different uniform next season.
Nope, like every other starter who had one or two good starts for the team this September, he’s pencilled in for opening day roster.
I think he’ll get an extension. Three years, $9.5M sounds about right.
First career walk! Mauer rubbed off on him early.
He has yet to scorre a rrun! C’monn Buterra, brrinng Herrmann home!
Okay, maybe nnot Buterra, but Florrimonn’s the mann forr the job!
Okay, the eighth innnninng wasnn’t the time. But, if four of Rreverre, Carrrroll, Mauerr, Parrmelee, Plouffe, orr Carrsonn cann rreach base inn the nninnth innnninng…
Crrap! Defennsive substitutionn: Spann to rreplace Herrrrmann inn the outfield.
He’ll have to wait unntil tomorrrrow nnight.
So, who do people here predict to be the final out of the season? A Blue Jay? Or which Twins batter? I’ll be at the Cardinals game tomorrow and probably miss all of Wednesday night’s game as well, so this game might be it for me.
Mauer.
…to give Cabrrerra the Trriple Crrownn.
Nate Dammamann strikes out Chris Hemananannn.
Cabrera with a home run in his third plate appearance. I think that makes him first outright for homers.
Man, Dick is really bringing out the WHIP tonight.
Hmmm…
Giving it hard to Dick?
We’re going to do this fucking thing over again, because I just fucked it up.
I am starting to think these Dick jokes are kind of crude.
Just chiming in to say I really hate Miguel Cabrera.
Just wait until his name is Redemption.
I hope he strikes out 10 times in the next 2 games, and then gets drunk and injures himself in some way which keeps him out of the playoffs.
Despite the Clevelands lying down for the Sox, the KCRs are assuming the same pose for the Tigs. Detroit magic number is about 0.1.
Hoping the Royals come back to tie the game and the game goes to 18 innings and the Royals win and Cabrera goes 0-6 for the rest of the game and then everyone realizes what the Spanish words on his eyeblack mean.
wth? Provus repeats that it’s the first 40 SB season since Carew in ’73, and then says that Knoblauch holds the single season record with 62 in 1997. What’s wrong with this picture?
62 != 40, obviously.
See above, Rangers own those records.
see above, what the heck drugs are you on?!
missed your reply. See, when the Expansion Senators were created after the original Senators moved to Minnesota to become the Twins, the Expansion Senators, who are now the Texas Rangers, kept some of the Washington Records as their “History”. This is why there’s no Walter Johnson statue near Target Field, and never will be. Unfortunately, the arrangement was poorly constructed and the move of the Montréal Expos to Washington to become the Nationals also moved all of the Twins player stats from 1995-1999 to the Rangers. While the Twins’ team records still stand. Selig probably should have and could have done something about it, but his official response was that stats and the awards attached to them are the sacred legacy of the game, and that he no more has the power to move statistics from one team to another than he does to decide that a player would be ineligible for postseason awards or statistical accolades on account of them breaking the rules of the game. However, it wasn’t expressed at all verbally, but completely through body language:
(Remember, this was in 2008, when the interest was in maintaining Tom Hicks’s franchise value. Not in maintaining the “purity” of the sport from the scourge of Performance-Enhancing Devices.)
I know all about the Senators ruling, I just have no idea where you’ve seen Knoblauch in a Senators uniform.
Read the whole thing:
Are you secretly nibbish?
I read that, and no one in their right mind believes that anything Selig or anyone else says moves the Twins mid-90′s stats to the Rangers.
no one in their right mind
The answer is in the question.
Also: Are you secretly nibbish
For the win.
Are you saying that I…
…that’s actually pretty funny.
What in the hell is a Yan Gomes?
Canadian for Andruw Jones
Bert: No bullpen in the AL has thrown more innings.
Royals relievers: 553 IP.
Twins relievers: 548 IP.
The Twins do not have 6.1 relief innings today. Well, they might before the game ends.
So you are saying the TV crew makes stats up too?
looks like another JoeP article in the making
Crrap. I almost mentionned that this was the point in the Yannkees game where Perrkinns gave up the homer to Andruw Jones.
Did we all forget that the Twins CANNOT beat the Jays in Toronto? The are like Yankees northwest.
Hey, don’t remind ‘em.
The Twins’ misery in 2011 started in Toronto, and they faced the Yankees in the next series.
This year the second to the last series was against the Yankees, and they end their 2012 misery in Toronto.
Hopefully this means this cycle of suck is now closed. Twins 2013 World Champions!
Where’s that like button?
All I know is how to make hj like it.
hj contest?
That Crazy Cooter is trouble.
Sometimes, you try to put out the fire, and sometimes, you gotta know when to pack up your hose and let it burn, you guys.
I tell ya, I’m a little concerned about when the bookies show up at the club.
Nothing a hj contest won’t fix.
The correct answer was ‘that’s what she said’. Thanks for playing.
#winning
assholes…
I like assholes as well.
funny, I saw an episode of No Reservations tonight in which Anthony Bourdain ate, umm, ass, stuffed with tripe, while in Burgundy. His description, refined as always: “tastes like ass.”
Wait, this game is in extras? I can see this game live? Man. Cassia is awesome.
yeah, typical.
Oy. that was stupid.
Stupid [redacted] bunts. This might have been a good time to have Mastroianni run instead.
I’m here. Let the Spantasm begin.
Its a Spantwalkasm.
Or load the bases for f-ing Butters.
To be fair, his result was better than could have been expected.
SEND HIM!!!!!!?
I think I did that wrong.
Butera batting? What could possibly go wrong.
Bad Butters
well, he didn’t hit a double-play grounder.
Good to see that Drew hasn’t changed.
Klorimon.
Twins Baseball.
Get ‘em on, get ‘em over, leave ‘em stranded.
Twins Baseball.
Laddie would have driven in all of the runs.
As would have Clutch Carroll.
We’re going to get to see Capps here, aren’t we? Please tell me no.
no.
I feel like the Twins should sign Pek. I bet that would solve all of their problems.
Twins Baseball!!!!1111one1111!!!!
That was… unexpected.
Blew Jays manager has seen enough.
I feel let down by that call.
Wow, bad call
Drew Butera, the defensive specialist, hits the runner in the back running down to first?
His ass was bailed out by the terrible umps. Thank god for no robot umps.
Sweet Drew is arb eligible next year. They need to cut him.
He is needed for bullpen depth.
Great call!
I absolutely balls this LTE.
Free baseball is not always such a good thing.
So basically the Twins lose because Butera allows a passed ball, and Duensing sucks.
I f—ing hate this team so much.
you’d have loved last year’s gang then
They were just awful, this team seems to have a little fight at times. But they still lose. I’m not sure which is worse, but the last two seasons have been very little fun.
just a few reasons to like this team better than last year’s:
- Blackburn is no longer a starter
- Capps is no longer the closer
- Nishi is no longer a Twin
- no crap EVERY SINGLE DAY questioning Joe’s ability/desire to play, only about his value
- much less Pavano
- SEND HIM!!
- a ham that’s willing, powdered Doumits, and Plouffe!da
- Nishi is no longer a Twin
You’re making HPR cry.*
*This may also be of questionable veracity.
There were like 50 fans in the Skydome tonight.
was that more or fewer than the number of ticket-buyers in the Skydome tonight?
Anthony Gose Protocol with the winner.
Mmmmm, göse.
They should have let Burrnnett pitch annotherr few innnninngs
Can they let Capps start tomorrow? Give him up to two innings. Smallstock does better when he’s not starting.
I’m a fan of this plan.
sh!t, cabrera is 4-for-5.
Two games left. Let’s enjoy them, because the winter is long. We’ll just have to settle for 68-94.
it hurts seeing that 6.
Yes, it does. I wasn’t all that disappointed when .500 became impossible, but I was really hoping the Twins could at least win 70.
Not getting all the way to the bottom in all columns, but it’s uncomfortably close.