215 thoughts on “Stop the Losing, Damn It!”

  2. I'm not affiliated with any sort of organized religion, but I am going to count watching the Twins as self-flagellation.

    1. Not watching the Twins would be like not not not watching the Twins, and that's just something I can't not not do.

      2. Ave Theresa

        Hail Theresa
        Full of grace
        Joe is with thee
        Blessed art thou amongst women
        And blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Baby Jeebus.
        Holy Theresa, mother of our catcher,
        Pray for us now, and at the hour of the first pitch.
        Amen.

    1. I submit that Gardy set us up for future heart break by hitting Tolbert second.

      1. Especially after a string of pinch running appearances leaves us with Tolbert, Butters, and Laddie hitting 2,3 and 4.

  4. Giving up on baseball once and for all, Matt Tolbot practices his caber tossing.

    2. Gameday gave me a live look-in just in time to see a replay of the bat flying out of his hands.

  5. I have to get my conference paper done tonight and sent in to the panel moderator. So of course I've got the WGOM Mark 2 and Gameday open.

    1. you can always fax it to the conference hotel.

      not that I've ever done that....

  12. I'm really not sold on this Dazzle/Morris/no one else combination in the radio booth.

    1. They should do a two-for-one deal and trade Dazzle/Morris for someone who works solo and is good at orally relating baseball games, in an entertaining and descriptive fashion, with a dash of optimism. (Hold the GOML.)

      1. I don't think Vin Scully is interested in moving to Minnesota, unfortunately.

        2. It doesn't even have to be Scully! I am absolutely convinced that there are talented announcers out there who would blow away 98% of the two-man booths in the league. The Seattle Sounders have a solo announcer for their TV and radio broadcasts and it is phenomenal. I can't say enough good things about it.

          1. Probably because most of the second men in two-man booths are former ballplayers that are in there for name recognition and have no formal training or even real experience prior to taking the top job in their business.

              1. George: What about like an announcer? Like a color man? You know how I always make those interesting comments during the game?
                Jerry: Yeah. Yeah. You make good comments.
                George: So? What about that?
                Jerry: Well, they tend to give those jobs to ex-ballplayers and, ya know, people in broadcasting.
                George: That's really not fair.

      1. Actually, it'd better be a coincidence, or I'm wasting my talents sitting at home drinking beer.

  17. "Cust!" Blackburn cussed as he watched the ball fly by. (modern Tom Swifty)

  25. Uh huh. Team baseball. No selfish RBIs. Much better team baseball to make an out.

    1. yeah, i was waiting for him to pick it up an tag the runner out. thankfully, there was just enough oomph on it.

  29. that's gotta be the first successful squeeze play i've seen the twins pull in the last few years.

    1. I can remember Guzman scoring on one...anything more recent doesn't come to mind.

  31. Dude's 1.000 average from today a big improvement over his .000 average from yesterday!

  33. If that throw down to second was a planned play on a 2-1 pitch to Morny, uh, wow. That's pretty serious disrespect to the Mountie. As in "we don't think you can get a hit anyway, so we don't mind wasting a pitch when we are already behind in the count".

  34. When that pitch to Smoak shows up on Gameday, I thought "There's no way that wasn't a home run." I was pleasantly surprised with "SINGLE" showed up on the scoreboard.

    2. The top part of the Twins lineup doing well, the bottom doing terribly and Olivo hitting a 2-run donger to left-field off of Blackie.

  45. The wind looks like it's gusting at about 50mph in the White Sox-Rangers game.

    1. With Span up in this situation, it's like the number 8 hitter hitting in the NL. You just want him to get on so that Tolbert doesn't have to lead off the next inning.

      1. Which begs the question...If Gardy had a super speedy pitcher in an interleague game, would he bat the pitcher second?

  49. Frozen Market Pantry pepperoni pizza and Blue Paddle. I'm not really into the whole cooking thing tonight, man...

      1. Yeah, don't remind me.

        Now that the littlest one has graduated, I look forward to only stepping foot in that town 1 a year (Christmas)

          1. I think I just spent too much time trying to decipher the slogan of Timewell, IL.

  52. I just got excited that someone else will be doing the games when Bert gets inducted.

    Then I got bummed thinking about the other people at FSN.

    Marney in the booth?

  54. Sorry I missed my game log duties for tonight. I've had a few items come up as of late that have left me not knowing what day of the week it is.

    Now let's hit some gosh darn dingers.

      1. I wish it were that easy. The calf sleeps 8-10 hours a pop at night. Fill him up full of cud, swaddle the crap out of him, and the little fella just passes out until the morning.

  55. So, which team has the more pathetic offense?

    Twins: .292 wOBA*, -43.5 bRAA
    Mariners: .299 wOBA*, -32.9 bRAA

    Seems like a clean kill for the Twins, but those numbers are without Thome.

  56. So, when you have "the confidence in your hitter that you don't need to take the bat out of his hand," NOT bunting is a good idea. But when your hitter sucks, you pat him on the @ss for "doing his job" and getting the runner over???

  60. Alright, temporarily off the phone trying to figure out how the hell my family and I are going to be able to move in July and still pull off this Minnesota trip we've been meaning to make (in August, but now August is totally out logistically). Money is stupid, particularly when a guy's company stops putting it into his hand.

    1. The good dr. and I are in a similar possition. Summer travel plans may be disrupted by new jobs and home sales. Boo.

    2. Totally with you on the money thing. If it wasn't for money, I could live out my brewery dream. Hopefully this layoff jumpstarts other things for ya, though. Best of luck on the whole situation. (I've never been to LA, but I assume it sucks.)

      1. LA proper isn't much fun, but it's the means to an end. I like Anaheim, though, and it's a lot cheaper to live there and that's where I think I'll be heading.

        1. I like Anaheim, though

          That may be a first.

          I will say this -- the L.A. Basin remains a beer wasteland. But at least you are close to San Diego. A Stone's throw, one might say.

          1. Well, my version of Anaheim isn't very large. I've been there twice but I can't say I saw a large percentage of the place.

            And, yeah, I've given Stone Brewery some thought.

  61. 6 straight pitches at 87 or 88 MPH. Vary speeds!

    and then he throws him a 91 MPH fastball to strike him out. Yea!

    I'm out. Finish it, boys.

  62. Do we throw Blackie out there for one more? Given the state of our bullpen, I've gotta go with "yes".

  64. I didn't know Casilla could hit one that far! Still only a single though.

    1. Who looked like the 2010 Seattle Mariners. Except they at least had good pitching.

  72. I have to believe that, with a Major League ball player hitting now, Fister would have come out of this game.

      1. Man, how crappy is Tolbert? Fister gives up hits to the two guys who might almost be worse, then a balk and a double, has over 100 pitches, yet the manager still feels he can get Tolbert out and rightfully so.

        I just wanted to see all that typed out to remind me every time I refresh that the 2011 Twins have Tolbertin Tolbert hitting second.

  75. I haven't watched a game in several nights as I was out of town, but tuned in just in time to hear Dicknbert trash Slowey. Ugh.

    1. Somehow that would result in Jack Cust hitting a walk-off, three run home run.

  82. Just checked in, gotta go do some work.
    But who pitches the 9th?
    People I trust:
    1. Chuck James
    2. Nick Blackburn
    3. There is no three.

    3. There are three things about being conversationally anal retentive that are amusing.

      Of the three, the second is that it creates many lists. For example, lists can be a) numbered, b) lettered, or iii) Roman numeraled. Thus, lists are fun.

      The first, of course, is that the snarkasm is raised to approximately eleven.

      The third is that arguments are more structured. A structured argument is easier to follow, more persuasive, and more difficult to rebut. That is most likely why Kevin Slowey is never allowed to debate Dick'n'Bert in a public forum.

  86. Now, if the ball comes out of the fielder's glove and lodges itself in Rectal's jersey, can he just start trotting around the bases?

  87. I admit that in the late '90s I wasn't paying as much attention to baseball as I could have, and I totally missed Selig's Radical Realignment proposal. Retrospectively thinking about some of the ramifications is fun. The Twins would only have faced the Yankees in interleague play. We would be missing out on Thome, but on the other hand, we would have missed out on RonDL and TynyDH. The Central probably gets screwed on time zones the most, with more west coast games, but it would be a huge victory for west coast fans, who would have a lot more games in their local time zone, and probably more ad revenue with more games during prime time. Less moaning about late start times from east coast teams.

    Divisions would be bigger, so you wouldn't have to play anyone 19 times a year. There would be a bunch of opportunities for fans to see their team on the road. When a team sells out in a big year, their fans would have more opportunity to see them on the road, which would help boost revenue for teams having an off year.

    Did I mention that the Twins would only have played the Yankees in interleague play?

    1. That could've worked out well for the Twins, but I'm afraid Chicago can only handle 6 Red Line games a year.

    2. Also, there are 2 available, so if any other Citizen is flying solo I can get both and they can get me back on the day.

  90. Just pulled up the game day, what is this thing called a lead, and where is our closer? Aren't we obligated to give save opportunities to the "closer".

  95. WTF just happened?

    The Twins....Won?

    Blackburn didn't blow it?

    This makes no sense.

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