June 28, 2013

Mood: Tired 😐

Music: Imagine Dragons - Radioactive

I had a dream last night that I was pitching for the Twins at Target Field. It was a beautiful sunny day and there was a huge crowd cheering for the first pitch and I was up on the mound and the batter was standing in the box and the umpire was shouting “Play Ball” and the ball was in my glove and then the ball was in my hand my hand and then… I just couldn’t throw the ball. I knew I had to throw the ball, and I wanted to throw the ball, and I was staring at the ball in my hand thinking “I need to throw you” but I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t throw a pitch. Everybody was waiting for me to start the game and the crowd was getting impatient, and I could hear them muttering “Why can’t he throw the ball, what’s wrong with him” and I was getting more and more frustrated. Then I saw Coach Gardenhire start to walk out of the dugout towards me and I knew I had to throw a pitch right then, throw it Now! Okay, just throw it Now! Come on! What’s wrong with you just throw it now! But it was too late, Coach Gardenhire was coming and I couldn’t do a thing. And then I woke up.

I have been having dreams like that more often these days. I mean having bad dreams is nothing new to me, I remember when I had Night Terrors as a kid, but these are different because I have never had bad Baseball dreams before. And this week I’ve been focusing on relaxing and staying loose and not putting too much pressure on myself but now it’s like my Brain won’t even let me do that while I sleep! Lol I don’t know what to do. I still haven’t had a good Outing at Triple A, and I still don’t know what’s holding me back. I mean I’m healthy, I’m strong, and I’m throwing my same pitches and doing the same things I always do but I’m just not getting the Results I used to. And I mean I’m happy for Kyle for getting called up because he’s a nice guy even though he’s a hotshot but at the same time I feel like it should be me getting that call because I’ve been there before and I know I have what it takes.

I asked Brian if he ever has nightmares where all of a sudden he can’t play baseball and he said no but sometimes he has bad dreams where he “Loses the ability to perform, but not in the Baseball sense” and I knew what he meant lol so I didn’t ask him to be more specific. But he said bad dreams are scary but you have to shake them off and “Don’t be a p***y about it.” I guess that’s good advice. I called Mom too to talk to her about it because hearing her voice always makes me feel better. She said “Oh, Honey” and sang You Are My Sunshine for me and I didn’t cry but it was very Emotinal. She also said that she read an article about Sports Psychology and that doctors can help athletes with the Mental side of playing sports and that maybe I could “Look into it.” I don’t like that idea because I’m not Crazy or anything but I guess she’s just trying to look out for me.

It’s hard to believe that it’s almost July already but hey it’s a long season and there will always be ups and downs. I just need to keep working hard and eventually my Talent will get me to where I’m supposed to be. I don’t know the meaning of the word Quit so I will be out on the mound rain or shine (okay maybe not rain lol if they call the game) and I still have a strong Drive to succeed but idk it’s definitely hard sometimes. But I can’t wait to be back with the guys in the Majors and I’m sure it will be soon!

See you in the Majors,

Xx_Cole_38_xX

Twins 3 - Royals 1