This post is partially about parenting, partially about work. In this case, they are intertwined.
My wife has always had a pretty good job and has always been pretty career-motivated. We talked a little about having me stay home when we first had kids. In the end, we decided that it wouldn't work for us. I wouldn't like it (or be good at it) and she would have been jealous of my time at home. She ended up going part-time down to a 3-day per week schedule. She worked downtown at the time and would go in early so I'd be the one to get the kids ready for daycare three days per week. We did that while we had two children.
When we had the third, she switched jobs to a small firm that was five miles from our house. It was still 20-24 hours per week but she went to an hourly wage. She could come-and-go without a ton of guilt. When the kids were in daycare, she'd work three full days. Once they were in school, she'd work four 6-hour days.
It was the perfect job for our family. She would go in to work after the kids got on the bus and would get home right before they got home from school.
Now she has decided to stay home full time with a 15, 13, and 10-year old. From the outside, it looks a little insane. She's worked all this time to get to the point that the kids are old enough to be a little more independent and now is the time she's decided to stay home? If you're going to stay home, why not do it when the kids are young? But I think she made the right decision.
A few things factored into the decision. My mom passing away last year at the age of 67, my wife's lingering affects from a concussion suffered last fall, and my daughter's rehab from a broken leg all played a part in it.
We only have three more years of all of them under one roof. Life is short and the clock is ticking.
I finally wrote something!
And HJ figured out how to get it to post.
Staying home with the kids is a luxury that I don't fault any one for taking up; in fact, I feel it takes a stronger person to do that. I'm way better at my job than I am at being a dad.
My wife is not exactly career oriented, but work makes her feel connected and useful and productive, so even if we didn't need her to work for financial reasons she would want to, at least part-time.
It is a tough balance. It is too bad that it is so hard to break back into the work world after taking some time off.
My boys never went to daycare because when they were too young for school, I was working evenings while my wife was teaching. There was a short time when Junior was a toddler that I had to be at work a couple hours before Mrs. SoCal could get home. A lady that worked in the lunch room at the school would babysit him at her house until my wife could pick him up. When my wife changed to her current school, it was closer to home and had an earlier schedule, so she was able to get home before I had to leave for work. I got laid off 8 years ago and I have spent the majority of that time working from home (or job searching while collecting unemployment). My wife is now a year-round employee (she's in charge of IT at her school as well as teaches classes), so the boys are home now with me during the summer while she works. They are 11 and 14, so they are plenty independent. Fortunately, they do pretty well at avoiding arguments so I can get work done.
My wife stays at home largely because any job she could get right now would maybe let us break even on daycare unless we found somewhere reasonably priced, which I don't think exist and, after hearing about various daycares from friends, I don't think cost is proportionate to quality in that world. Love was pretty sweet when my wife was nannying and could take the trinket with her.
Trying to get by these days with one income (even a decent one) is extraordinarily difficult, which doesn't help my stress levels.
Love was pretty sweet when my wife was nannying
insert joaks here.
I feel you though. We tried to get by with a single income for three years in Texas, and we're still paying for it.
My wife and I both work full time, so our kids have been in day care all along. Our 5-year-old started when he was about 4 months, and the 2-year-old started when he was about 8 weeks. They spend a lot of time at their school because of our work schedules, which run way, way more than 40-hours a week, especially if you count emailing students, grading, and prepping for class at night and on the weekend.
I sometimes think we they might spend too long there each day, but the place they go is a Montessori school that does an excellent job of teaching them, so I don't feel like they're just being warehoused somewhere all day. I think they certainly get a better education there than they would at home with just us. Plus, with my wife and I both being academic types means we get lots of time in the summer to try to make up for the school year craziness.
Before I actually had kids, I thought I might want to be a stay-at-home dad, but I now know for sure that I'm not cut out for that. I love spending time with my two kids, but I also need a break from that time as well. My wife is the same way; I don't think either of us could stay sane being at home all day, every day with the kids. I know that we are both happier having time away from the house and having our own careers, and I figure that our kids are better off spending so much time at school to come home to happier parents than they would be staying home all day with an unhappy one.
There are pros and cons with both the stay-at-home and working parents. I will say this for my kids. I don't know if it is due to daycare or just from only sharing some of my genes, but my kids are way less shy than I was at their ages.
what you said. The Boy went to day care for a year or so as a toddler. When the Girl came along, we switched approaches, with a "Mothers' Morning Out" half-day pre-school in Illinois for the Boy and eventually the Girl (there and here). Which led to the Mrs teaching at the pre-school. She's now been doing that for about 15 years.
The PR makes about 50% more than I do, and we've run the numbers. It might make most sense for me to quit, or try to work from home, once we have a family because we'd about break even with my current salary if I worked and had to pay for daycare. Hopefully I could find something in the web development/GIS field where I can work remotely.
My lovely wife has earned double my salary since we met. Hopefully that changes as my current venture continues to mature. We did about 20 hours/week day care when the kids were pre-school, as I worked a lot of nights and weekends, and my wife works Mon-Thursday 10-12 hour shifts. Pretty much zero daycare once they started school. It's pretty cool having a son who can now drive, as he carts his sister all over town this summer for activities and appointments. 2 days a week, my daughter has hockey 8-1045 (includes dryland training), lifts with track team 11-1230 and has drivers training classes from 1-4.
My son and I just purchased tickets for Metallica at US Bank stadium in August. Paid too much for the tickets, but we have been searching for a year for tickets to his first big concert. Options were Weezer, U2, Pearl Jam, White Stripes, Black Keys and a few others. However, we watched the Metallica "One" video tonight and decided on that show. Impulse buy. Should be fun.
Have fun at Metallica!
A couple years ago when Sturgill was going to play the free show at the fair, I was going to take the family to see him. My then 13-year old daughter was horrified that Sturgill would be her first concert.
HPR's first concert was Collin Stetson. None of the others have gone to a concert yet.
CER did go to a Björk concert film, which doesn't count.
My first concert was Raffi and the Valet's was the Okee Dokee Brothers. I suppose those probably don't count.
They're a borderline category, like NPB stats for Ichiro. Might need to forever say "regular concerts" or "children's and regular concerts combined".
Okee Dokees have a new album out (I assume: new special on Netflix). You know if it's any good? The Canoeing one is popular at my house.
The songs I've heard from it (like one about "horsepower") are really good.
My first concert was a Neil Diamond show at the met center. I still have fond memories of that concert.
Out of college, my wife made more than me. She was a nurse and moved up the chain pretty quickly. Once we had kids, she worked less and my salary started to eclipse hers.
When I moved to Central Illinois and became an actuary, she continued working as a nurse for a while. However we tried really hard not to have the kids in day care. We did for a few weeks while she trained for a job, but ever since, we were able to arrange her schedule and mine (my employer is very good about that) so that we didn't need child care. It was rough, but we made it work.
Three years ago now, she transitioned to being a stay-at-home mom full time and no longer works as a nurse. Beau, you're right that it's a luxury. My wife is able to homeschool full time, I have a regular work schedule again, and for the most part we are really happy. Occasionally, we think about whether she should go back to work, but right now, the kids are still rather young, so it doesn't make sense at this point. Plus, I'm not sure we want to kill ourselves just trying to make a little extra money.
We knew we wanted one of us to stay home from the get go. We always wanted a larger family, and couldn't imagine only our later kids getting a parent at home. Out of school, my wife made significantly more than I did, though we both worked as engineers. When GRZ came around, it looked like I may be the one staying at home, though my wife really wanted to. Fortunately, I found a job that paid quite a bit more, so we were set.
It certainly has been a blessing for us to be able to the wife stay home, but it has certainly come with sacrifices, both in money and in sanity. I love my girls dearly, but I quite honestly think that I have the easier job.
In all likelihood, you do.