I’ve never really cared for very small children.
I never had to deal with babies while growing up (my younger brother was born when I was four, so I didn’t have to help with any of the baby stuff), and have always regarded them as sort of extremely loud, legally binding tamagotchis.
When Linds and I got married, we agreed that we weren’t going to have kids for at least five years. We made sure that some of our bills were paid, we made sure we went on a tropical vacation, we got the stuff out of the way that we wanted to do. The five years stretched to seven. I was okay with that, because I’ve always been worried that my dismissive attitude would persist. Sometimes, that paternal instinct just never kicks in for some people – I was honestly worried that could be the case for me.
When we found out we were going to have a baby, that fear didn’t decrease, because even though I was excited about impending fatherhood, I didn’t feel nearly as excited as I thought I should feel. This was going to be life changing, and most days, all I could conjure up was “yeah, that’ll be pretty cool”.
As I found when I held Caleb for the first time, I really needn’t have worried.
It certainly doesn’t hurt that this kid is pretty much parenting on training wheels so far (sleeps through the night, is constantly happy (like, ridiculously so… the day care lady wants to adopt him), he’s had no health issues other than the sniffles and a light fever so far). Still, I could not have possibly anticipated the reprogramming my worldview would get. I spend my evenings lying on the floor, laughing til my stomach hurts over a baby giggling. I know the characters to Wallykazam.I have a phone full of baby pictures. If you had told me two years ago that would be the case, I would’ve laughed.
So, sorry this one doesn’t end up being an advice column. I don’t really have any to give. I still know practically nothing about parenting. Caleb changes every day. Everything is new and scary (he rolls over now! Both exciting and terrifying). Even so, all rational thought is overridden by a single thought that I would’ve scoffed at five years ago.
It’s worth it.