Tag Archives: Joe Mauer

2012 Game 108: Twins at Red Sox

Today, something called Franklin Morales, who walks a decent number of guys but strikes out waaaaay more and otherwise seems fairly legit, plays host to Nick Blackburn, who occasionally walks guys, never, ever strikes them out, and has no legitimacy whatsoever (shine up that beer sampler for me, klawitter!).

Still, sometimes Mauer conquers all, and he's in there today - catching, even - so I'll stick with this team as they hit the two-thirds mark on the season.

Game 71: Twins 4, Reds 3

Well boys, I was scheduled to work from 10-8 today but when I got there to start my shift they said I could head home until 2 if I wanted. I could use the money, but I could use the family/study time more so I accepted. Studied for a bit, hung out with the wife and kid, took the dogs for a walk and brought the old transistor radio along. Heard the first 4 innings as relayed by Provus & Dazzle, watched bits and pieces of the last 5 innings when I got to work. Was able to wander into the bar to watch the big Willingham at-bat from first pitch to big boy swing. But more on that after the jump. 

Continue reading Game 71: Twins 4, Reds 3

Game 41: Twins 4, Brewers 16

After a very nice start to the roadtrip, I kind of expected the Twins to lay an egg here. I just didn't expect it to be an ostrich egg. Marquis hasn't exactly been a model of success and his mound opponent, Zack Greinke, hadn't lost a home start in Milwaukee (14-0). He wouldn't lose today either. The Twins managed to plate a run in the top of the 1st after a Revere double and Willingham RBI single, but it was all Brewers after that. Hart and Lucroy smashed solo shots in the home half of the 1st and Milwaukee added 6 more in the 2nd. To be honest, I mentally checked out after that, only tuning back in when I heard that Butters would be pitching in the 8th. I enjoyed this years installment of "The High Point of..." even more than last years. He also picked up an RBI today, taking a bases loaded walk in the 9th to push across the Twins' 4th run. Oh, yeah - the singles hitting pussy only managed to go 4-5 today, pushing his average back up to .293.

Game 34: Toronto 3, Minnesota 4

Twins winning hand includes the Ace of Diamonds

The Twins find a Diamond in the rough.

Diamonds are forever.

Diamond pitched a real gem.

Diamonds are [a] Gardy's best friend.

Blue Jays cut down by a Diamond.

Forget it. I'll just go with "A very nice outing by Scott Diamond." 0 runs on 5 hits over 7 innings while walking none, striking out 4 and calmly taking a screaming liner off the back of his throwing shoulder.* He gets the W and is now 2-0. The Toronto Ace Opening Day Starter, Ricky Romero, picked up his first loss of the season.

Offense couldn't help but score some runs off of 8 walks (Pussy with 3!) and 10 hits. Unfortunately, they only plated 4, leaving 11 men on base and hitting into 3 double plays (Plouffe! with 2 of them). In the end, 4 was enough to get the win.

Continue reading Game 34: Toronto 3, Minnesota 4

Bilateral Cerebral Incontinence Strikes Hack

The disease, once thought to affect only politicians and political journalists, is both physically debilitating and detrimental to any career with public contact. That's what doctors told Jim Souhan earlier this summer. Longtime readers alerted the Star Tribune medical staff that something in Souhan's delivery was off, and that the paper's resident enforcer appeared to be struggling more than usual to support his warrants and make credible arguments.

Extensive examination revealed that Souhan appears to have contracted bilateral cerebral incontinence (BCI), a mental affliction for which there is no known cure. Star Tribune doctors immediately ordered testing of the paper's entire pool of reporters, discovering an undisclosed number of infected journalists. A source close to the organization has indicated the other reporters cover politics for the paper, suggesting a possible chain of transmission from politicians to Souhan.

Little is known about the specific damage caused by bilateral cerebral incontinence. In fact, I spoke with several trainers from other news organizations, and they indicated to me that they've never heard of such a thing. One, on the condition of anonymity, said it sounded like a PR-driven diagnosis with no credible medical basis, indicating simply that "the goon is completely full of shit, right up past his eyeballs."

In an effort to establish, once and for all, whether BCI was a legitimate malady, I spoke with specialists at the Thomas H. Moodie Institute in Bismark. The opinion was unanimous: not only does bilateral cerebral incontinence exist, but (in their opinion) Jim Souhan has a classic case. The increasingly irrational and unsubstantiated attacks in his columns indicate full-blown BCI. Souhan, say the specialists, simply can't help himself. The volume of twaddle in his system has compromised his ability to think clearly, conduct even a minimum of actual research, or distinguish fact from feverishly-held personal views. The most visible symptom of BCI is evacuation of built-up septic mental effluent into columns and blog posts, which Souhan has exhibited at an excessive and increasing rate this summer. The Moodie Institute specialists concur that transmission from politicians, the usual carriers of the disease, to Souhan likely occured via his colleagues at the political desk.

As BCI is untreatable with any known medicine, little can be done for Souhan. Not wanting to be painted as a malingerer, Souhan has informed the Star Tribune's management that he intends to continue writing regularly as long as he doesn't harm the paper's circulation or oft-rumored negotiations with Kimberly-Clark Corporation.

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I won't link to the various columns Souhan has written in the "Mauer is soft" vein, nor do I think it necessary to mention each besotted reference to Cuddyer (or Hunter), or to even point out how gobsmackingly stupid his post on Kevin Slowey was last night. All that we know. The question I'm more interested in is why this inanity is allowed to continue.

Souhan's attacks on Mauer are damaging the Twins in several ways. They are corrosive to Mauer's relationship with Twins fans. This affects everything from Mauer jersey sales and Mauer posters to the atmosphere at that shiny new ballpark. These things eat into the bottom line and hamstring the Twins' ability to capitalize on the popularity of their marquee player.

Moverover, it hurts Mauer's relationship with the club if every time he's savaged in the press the only noise coming from the Twins' front office is the chirping of crickets. The Twins willingly signed Mauer to a contract which pays him $23 million per season until 2018. If they actually think Mauer is as soft as Souhan frequently implies, they should have made their offer low enough to ensure they collected compensation picks when Mauer signed with a team in the Eastern time zone.

Worse still, the club's complicity or apparent unwillingness to defend its star player and hometown boy significantly harms the club's free agent drawing power. What free agent with enough talent to entertain multiple offers is going to simply shrug off his agent telling him that the club in Minnesota allows its homegrown star to be pilloried by the press on every possible occasion? Sure, there's plenty of new ballpark money to spend, but any agent worth his commission is going to demand some additional consideration for placing his client into such a FUBAR situation.

If Souhan's expressing the views of the Twins' management, the whole bunch needs to be sacked. If he's trying to gin up controversy (read: circulation) and provoke people on the club, whether that's Joe Mauer, Gardy, Dave St. Peter, Bill Smith, Jim Pohlad, or someone else, he wins whether or not the club addresses his unfounded claims. The front office has to go on the record at some point, simply to protect its significant investment in Joe Mauer and preserve its ability to lure quality free agents to Minnesota.

Game 104 Recap: Twins Win, Twins Win!

Twins 7, Rangers 2
WP: The Dunce LP: C. Lewis
Twins record 49-55, 6 games out of first
Fangraphs should really be named fungraphs
MLB

Yesterday, Joe Mauer arrived at Ranger's Ballpark well before he needed to. He unpacked his duffel bag in the clubhouse before the game, and glanced around to ensure that no one was looking. He quickly slid his man muscles out of the bag, slipped them on, and suited up for the game acting like nothing was out of the ordinary and patiently waited for the game to start. The Ump called out, "Play Ball" and Ben Revere stepped into the box. He took a couple of pitches, but eventually hit a ground ball to make the first out. 'Lexi wasted no time, and popped out to the second baseman for the second out. Joe walked up to the dish, tugging on his uni a bit hoping that no one could see the bulge of his man muscles beneath. He took the first pitch for a strike and then deposited the second pitch into the right field bleachers. Joe Mauer trotted around the bases and thought about kissing his bicep, but decided that that would be a douchy thing to do. Not wanting to be outdone, Cuddy jacked a donger of his own in the 4th inning, and from that point on the Twins never looked back. After the game, the boys cheered for the return of the man muscles shouting hip-hip-hooray.

Get some culture inebriation at Psycho Suzi's Motor Lounge. The burgers are great, the patio is splendid, and who can argue with 3 dollar surly during happy hour?