The old me:
“My dog ate my homework.” Translation: “I didn’t do it.”
“There must have been a power outage or something because my alarm didn’t go off!” Translation: “I overslept.”
“If Joe in accounting had done his job, I’d have finished this project on time.” Translation: “I procrastinated and gave it to Joe in accounting a day before the deadline.”
“Man was that traffic terrible this morning.” Translation: “I overslept”
The new me:
“Everything takes twice as long with a two-year-old in the house!” Translation: “Everything takes twice as long with a two-year-old in the house!”
Sound familiar?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m still guilty of those other things as well, but there’s an amplification with regards to both scheduling and accomplishing tasks when a child is added to the mix. When that child is a baby, you expect to be exhausted, late to things and a bit disorganized; run ragged by the seemingly random schedule an infant keeps. People (with kids especially) give you the benefit of the doubt.
When they get a bit older, when you can actually communicate with them about where you're going or what needs to happen next, you would think things would get easier. Or, at least I did.
On the one hand, my daughter is at her best when we’ve kept to a very consistent schedule. No surprises or variations = happy & stable kiddo.* This has been especially true with potty training. If we don’t stick to the routine, it’s very likely she’ll have an accident. On the other hand, there just isn’t enough time in the day to do all the things we want to do or to get done all the things that need to get done.**
When you add a child, it seems like there’s even less time, even if you (and they) benefit from consistent scheduling and routine. Even with putting appointments and reminders on my phone calendar, work & personal Outlook and wife’s work & personal Outlook, it seems like there’s a constant struggle to get everything done and be everywhere we need (or want) to be in a timely manner.
Other than the standard answers: patience, flexibility and communication, do you folks have suggestions about how to manage your time once a child has been added to the mix?
*Of course, this is a two-year-old we’re talking about, so that equation isn’t accurate about 50% of the time…
** Come to think of it, this post is a perfect example!
We run late all the time too. I don't have any solutions. Well, my solution is pretty much "don't do the dishes until they absolutely need to be done." Cutting those out helps free up some time. But that's not a real solution, and we're always still late besides.
I've just never been an organized, schedule-type person. It leads to all sorts of problems. My kids are clearly the same way. It leads to even more problems. So no. No solutions here.
I suppose I should have added that if solutions aren't forthcoming, commiseration is always welcome.
I am similarly above-less. I think the only solution is to make them be 18 and off to college.
So, potty training. I have no idea how in the hell we're going to do it because the trinket is basically constipated all the time (we have to give her milk of magnesia every so often. Not fun.) and she flips the hell out when we even suggest she trying during on the toilet. Any thoughts?
Rewards system: sticker chart and milestone bribes. And patience. It will happen. The worst is to fight with the kid. Stay calm and the kid will come around (easier said than done, I know. But this too shall pass. Heh.).
Also, vegetables!
Fiber and prune juice, and cut down on cheese.
Lots and lots of patience.
My wife and I usually made the kids sit on the potty before they could have snacks, treats or watch movies/TV. Pretty much anything that you have a routine for, make them sit on the potty before they get to do what they are used to doing next. It can be really irritating to always be putting a kid on the potty, but not nearly as irritating as changing a diaper when you know that child understands what a toilet is for.
We also used
bribesprizes with the oldest and youngest- two weeks with no accidents and we would buy them whatever undies they wanted (Spiderman for the boy, butterflies for the girl). The middle girl potty-trained herself as we were working on her sister, which was really handy.If we're lucky, we'll have no diapers for about 5 months.
Themed undies are also very popular. Our older daughter loves her princesses. Patience is key, along with an acceptance that accidents will happen. A lot.
We've had good luck with a weekend dedicated to potty training where there aren't any diapers, and the floor gets cleaned a lot. This gives the kids a better idea of what feelings translate to needing to go, and give immediate feedback.
when my son was at some early toddler age, he had a doctor visit. Was wearing his spiderman's that day, backwards. The pediatrician: "So, spiderman. You can see the picture better that way, huh?" The Boy: "Yep."
We kept the jalapeño naked from the waist down for about 6 weeks when he was learning--well, specifically when he was at home, indoors, and awake. It definitely helped him make a connection between the "need to go" sensation and what happens next. I also tried to embrace the idea that accidents are learning opportunities rather than setbacks for either parent or child (the key word here is "tried"). He figured out peeing much faster than pooping.
We also read tons of books--I just checked out everything I could find at the library. I think the hardest part about potty training for me is having no idea how your child will learn best or how long the process will take when you're in the middle of it. So sometimes it really does feel like it's never going to happen!
Caveat - our kiddo is in daycare, surrounded by children 30 months - 3.5 years old. Lots of "peer pressure," and consistency and encouragement by the providers/teachers.
Also, #2 is a lot harder for them to get comfortable with than #1 so the constipation is definitely going to present challenges.
Here's how we've been doing it.
We started by doing pull-ups during the day and regular diapers at night. Pull-ups are for "Big Girls" and can be very exciting to learn to do on their own. Once she got comfortable with using the pull-ups (as diapers), you can transition to the training.
First try to get her going pee on the potty. Get a little person potty if you don't have one. They're less intimidating and we have one that "sings" when they're successful at peeing in it - little sensors that make a sort of fairy tale trumpet sound: "Da-dada-dah-da-daDAH!" and a "Yay!" when the liquid completes the circuit. Be very excited and supportive when she is successful and we bribed the hell out of her - a gummi vitamin if she went. Also, just keep asking and then taking her, like hourly, until she knows what's expected.
After a couple of months of that, we started going underwear only for short stretches, 2-3 hours, and she got them only after she sat on her little potty and "tried" to go. Then, she'd go back into pull-ups for nap time and again at bed time.
After a while (at like 3+ months from the beginning), we started going underwear only at nap time. About 2 weeks ago, we started trying the underwear only at night too. No major bed-wetting yet, but she has to go potty before we read (last thing before bed) and first thing in the morning.
For #2, we've had to be patient and comfortable with cleaning up poopy underwear. It still takes us asking, "Do you have to poop?" whenever we smell "toots" and then making her try in the same way we did for the pee. Consistent and excited when she was successful, 2 gummi's! We're still working on this, but she's fairly regular so that's probably made things easier.
I think that the daycare environment has been a huge help in this process so I know it may not be as "easy" as it has seemed, but patience and consistency have been the biggest things as far as I'm concerned. Well that, and having no issues with touching urine and feces!
Be very excited and supportive
This this this.
I'll see about trying some of these things. I really like the idea of not doing certain things until she sits on the potty. She's just so damned stubborn (not that I have any idea where she gets out from...)
Fortunately, the cloth diapering should have prepared us for cleaning underwear down the road.
We've started potty training (I guess it's been a month since he stopped wearing diapers at all during the day). I don't know that I've learned much, we're still in the "lots of accidents" phase, but this is what we've got so far.
We had zero luck with the kid's potty. He would sit, get up, sit, run around, refuse to sit, and so on. From a suggestion at daycare, we put him on the big toilet (no insert or whatever, he just holds himself up) and that kept him in one place long enough that he started peeing while he was up there. All that said, I think the little potty was a good introduction to the concept. We had him sit on it without any pressure to go (kept his pants/diaper on) for about a month before attempting any real training.
After a week or so, he got the big toilet figured out. Now, if we put him on the toilet, he pees almost immediately ("making green" he calls it. I don't know, I just roll with it). As long as we anticipate when he needs to go, we can avoid most pee accidents. He never tells us that he needs to go. I'm not sure if he's figured out that urge yet. If we forget to take him in, he'll hold it for a while, but he'll wet his pants before telling us that he has to go.
Poop. *sigh* We've been training in earnest for about 4 or 5 weeks. Last weekend was the first time he ever "made brown" (his words again) in the toilet, and that was only because Daddy had ample warning time what with a truly impressive series of farts. Same deal here, he will tell us the moment after he poops, but will deny that he needs to go right through the event. We're trying to push the rewards right now (jellybeans are a big hit), and those get him onto the toilet, but producing anything while he's there is still a very hit or miss thing.
He loves to flush the toilet. Whenever he has an accident, we dispose of the product in the toilet and talk about where we need to make brown. I don't know, I feel like we're making progress, but he's started having more accidents at daycare again this week, so maybe we've hit a plateau or something. G's best friend at daycare (same age) was potty-trained in a weekend, no accidents or anything, so that was a bit frustrating.
My 4-year-old (and now my 2-year-old, who's been wanting to potty since December) liked books to read about going potty on the toilet.
The 2-year-old might already be potty trained if we a) were ready to: waiting for summer, and b) could trust her in her bedroom without locking it.
b) is bigger because she's a destructive little silent ninja* with a sunny attitude about her destructions and she likes to help pick up the messes she's made. Still, that was a whole bottle of shampoo she poured on the floor of the bathroom, and her new tube of toddler toothpaste was mysteriously all used up in a week. (She loves to brush her teeth, too.)
*If you can't hear LBR it may be that she's because she's destroying or messing something up. If you can hear her, you are probably already too late. (Or she's screaming at you.)
She's going to have to share a room with the 4-year-old soon enough, and we'll have her well on her way by then.
HPR was nearly potty-trained several times but kept getting re-constipated.
The rewards chart was filled but he wasn't potty-trained.
I'd strongly recommend getting her un-constipated for a while first.
We've been trying, but have no idea how. She's basically been constipated her entire life and no amount of diet change has fixed that and doctors have been unable to give us good advice on it.
As much as it sucked: enemas.
For HPR, it was partly mental. As in, it hurt, so he didn't want to, so it hurt more, so he fought it more, etc.
We kept him from milk products for weeks. I don't remember what else.
We've done the liquid laxative thing (kind of like an enema). It definitely sucks, but it only works for that one day, them it's back to being constipated. I do kind of wonder if it's a mental thing because it hurts.
At 15 months, I think we're at the sweet spot where he's old enough to have a consistent routine, and young enough that defiance doesn't really slow us down. Also, we just don't schedule that much stuff, so we're rarely late unless his nap is longer than usual.
That's been a big problem - I keep trying to live the way I used to: sporting events, concerts, softball, bar-league bags/shuffleboard/darts, etc. and our families & friends are close enough that we constantly have people around and things to do. Throw in full-time work between the two of us (realistically 55+ hours for my wife) and 1+ hours a day round-trip commuting, and it feels like we're scrambling every day.
Once my wife goes back to work, we may have that problem, though she'll be going back to work around the same time that grandma retires, so that should make things easier. We're very lucky.
Tuesday morning the boy suddenly lost the ability to stand. His knees and hips buckled. An ER visit revealed nothing. My wife spent too much time on WebMD and freaked herself out. Suddently, at 2:00 pm, he regained the ability to walk and was running just a short time later. I think he just wanted me to stay home from work.
Both my wife and I are pretty punctual (she calls me a slow poke because I shoot to get places on time, whereas if she's not there at least 10 minutes early, she's late). For us, taking the most conservative estimate for how long it will take to get ready is a huge help, as is having a mudroom where we can pen the kids as we all get ready (so we only have to round them up once).
I had a boss at The Ground Round who wanted to write people up for being on time because they were "almost late." She was very insistent on this and it wasn't until the district guy came down and said "Uh...you can't do that" that she finally relented.
She was awful, awful to work for. I can work for jerks and put it in perspective, but having to work for someone who was so fiercely unintelligent was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never worked for anyone half as dumb as she was, and to this day it blows my mind that she ended up running a restaurant. Soon after we went under, she had a kid and stopped working entirely. She added me on Facebook and seems like a really sweet human being. It's a hell of a thing, what people in over their heads will say and do.
...this has almost nothing to do with what you said, I realize. I tend to go off the rails when I think about that place.
Thinking about the potty training discussion up above...
When Aristotle was born she had a tethered spinal cord. One of the issues that can cause is bladder control issues (as you grow, the tether stretches the spinal nerves, and that can cause all sorts of problems for the lower half of your body). She had surgery to correct the problem, but these things can always re-tether. She has also always suffered from constipation - it has seemed largely to be a self-inflicted refusal to poop, mostly.
She is now at potty training age. She does very well with pooping, but every single time she's been put into underwear she seems to "leak" some pee into it after a little while. Aquinas was very different about all of this, so our baseline is kind of unrealistic. We're at the point now where we're not sure if these leaks (usually not much urine at all - a couple teaspoons or less?) are a sign of re-tethering (indeed, such things can be a sign of that) or they're just normal little kid leaks.
The frustrating part of parenting kids that age is that they change so fast that once you get into a routine, the routine needs to change.
With regard to getting out of the house, in a certain sense I think time is on your side. The jalapeno at 3.5 is waaaay easier to get out of the house than he was a year ago. For a while, getting him dressed in the morning was like World War III. We changed up his routine somewhat (he had to be dressed before he could have any breakfast), but my sense is that a big part of it was just a developmental thing he had to work through.
Oh, the other thing is that if he's ready to go quickly, he can watch a video (usually 10-15 min) while the rest of the family is still getting ready. I'm not sure what I think of how much he loves videos and how effective they are as rewards/bribes, but they do help the mornings go better.
I have had the opposite experience. Now that Aquinas is 4.5 he's very absent minded and easily distr - hey, a marble! I don't know where he gets it.
This leads to him starting to get ready, stopping to do something else, needing to get his attention again, that attention getting lost, getting it back, threatening punishment, pulling our hair out, fake-leaving-without-him, crying, hugging, pleading, distraction, etc.
I think we are incredibly lucky when it comes to getting dressed. Other than getting snow pants on, the trinket has been remarkably agreeable when putting clothes on her. I think that's likely because it means we are headed outside to play in the sand box or go for a ride in the car, but its still really nice. My wife was a nanny for a similarly aged kid a while back and it was a complete nightmare to get him to get his clothes on. It was always a horrifying 30-40 minute battle just for his freekin shirt. Ugh.