Like so many of these monthly posts, it's often obvious that father doesn't necessarily know best...nor does mother, and nor do so many others.
I delayed writing this until the last minute, not because I didn't have a topic, but because of privacy concerns. Since there is some anonymity to this site, I'm going ahead and sharing my daughter's story here -- please respect her privacy. Thanks.
Just a couple weeks before finals of the fall semester of Runner daughter's Junior year of college, Mrs. Runner and I found ourselves driving 1-½ hours to her apartment, where we found her curled up on her bed, a sobbing mess. This was our jarring introduction to anxiety disorders.
We didn't know what the problem was at the time, but it didn't take long to diagnose. No one can be certain what brought it on, but surely the stress of college was part of it, and we also discovered that some OCD was also involved, as was the combined living space with three others in her apartment suite. Any thoughts of salvaging at least a class or two of the current semester were gone, as was starting the next semester.
What does this attack look like? I'm sure this isn't necessarily typical for all anxiety attacks, but in her case it was like seeing someone caught between deciding to do two or more things at once and the confusion that would cause; the fallout wasn't just emotional but also physical, leaving her core muscles painfully sore.
The medical treatment for anxiety disorders isn't something that can be done overnight: any of the medications generally need to be started at a low level and increased slowly over time, in concert with any therapist and/or psychologist visits. Several weeks after her treatment had begun, we were frustrated to have to start over with a different medication when we determined the first was not working adequately. She was experiencing nightmares, and I'm proud of her for recognizing when she was having suicidal thoughts and called an expert -- her godmother, who is a pastor and also has dealt with people with anxiety disorders. Also during this time, we got a small rescue dog, who was a life raft to her (and to us!)
While waiting on pharmaceutical relief, the three of us were learning how to identify when an attack was coming on, and how to prepare and combat it. And it was frustrating and slow going. Little by little, though, life began returning to normal. Runner daughter explored a new major at a more local college, and took a required class or two at the community college. We weren't sure we'd ever get there, but she enrolled for the fall semester. The next summer she got a part time job, which she kept through her Senior year. She still has (very infrequent) attacks, but she is able to recognize them and deal with them accordingly.
This spring she graduated (Magna Cum Laude) and had a job lined up even before she had graduated. And she's now looking at apartments. We thank God daily that she is back to being her (fairly) confident, headstrong self.
Why do I share all this? Partly because I know many parents have similar trials, and those that do can know that there is help and that it can work. The other part is that hopefully you empathize with people who do have mental disorders and those who work with them -- not just anxiety disorders, but eating disorders, depression, and even more debilitating afflictions.
Thanks for sharing.
Anybody that claims their children are perfect are either lying or not paying attention. (The same goes for ourselves.)
Thanks for sharing, Rhu. It might not feel all that inspiring to you, but it is an inspiring story. There-but-the-grace-of-god scary, but also inspiring. Best wishes to Runner daughter on her continued growth and management of this condition.
That's a wonderful story. The help is there, but so many times we're reluctant to ask for it. As the others have said, thanks for sharing.
You're a great Dad
she's a great daughter
My sister had something similar happen her Freshman year of college. It was second semester, and she just shut down, and I think she withdrew. I invited her to a party at my college in January or February, she ended up drunkenly making out with a guy I vaguely knew (weird) and she later thanked me and said it was the most fun she'd had in months.
She enrolled in a college closer to home in the fall (I think), where she would commute a half-hour with my mom who worked nearby and live at home. Her anxiety attack kept her from getting out of the car that first day.
After another year at home and pharmaceutical and other therapy, she enrolled at Morris (where my sister-in-law-to-be was there as a post-secondary pre-freshman), and did well and never had problems (as far as I know).
Thanks for sharing this. Despite frequent encounters with individuals that have mental health issues, and even some in my family, this was a more intimate look than I usually get. A great perspective to hear. Thanks.
I remember once someone with small children asked me if having older kids was "easier." I said it wasn't easier, just different.
New Gal has anxiety. She's been taking meds for it for as long as I've known her, so I've never seen it anything but under control. But she leads an extremely productive and meaningful life. It's something that can definitely be handled with the right support.
Thankfully anxiety medication appears to not leave a person out of sorts like what I've heard with depression medication, in which a person would want to stop taking it.
I don't know a ton about what New Gal takes, but it works very well for her. She doesn't have any real adverse side effects, except that she can get mildly frazzled if she goes a few days without taking it.
I didn't take depression medication for 10-12 years because the first medication they put me on (Zoloft) made me feel so out of sorts. I'm on something better (Wellbutrin) now. The doctor tried to put me on a combination of the two, and within about a week of cycling onto the Zoloft I felt exactly the same as I did when I first took it. I'm thankful I have something that works, though.
it had to have been frustrating for medical professionals (and patients!) years ago when so few medical options were available. or even longer ago, when any accurate diagnosis was a crapshoot, let alone treatment
Mrs. A has been on anti-depression medication for some time now. As long as it keeps working, she's fine. The problem, at least with some of the medications, is that after you take them so long, they stop working. That happened to her several years ago, and she needed inpatient treatment to get her medications changed around to something that would work. She's been fine since, but there's no guarantee that won't happen again.
I've questioned my mental health on and off for at least 10 years now. In talking to my sister (the paramedic with a psych degree and work experience with at-risk youth), I have at least a few warning signs for:
Anyway, she's not a full blown mental health professional, but she does feel I should see someone about it. Y'all are the 2nd person* I've really ever talked to about this.
I got my hands on Adderall a few weeks ago just to try it out. Not in a "do a bunch of drugs and get f**ked up" sort of way, but a "I wish I could go to the doctor for a prescription for this because I think it'll really help, but I can't" sort of way. Turns out it was fantastic. I look forward to health insurance and a psychologist's prescription.
*2nd-20th-ish people I suppose, technically
I was going to say your anxiety sounds like social anxiety disorder, but in looking into that further, turns out I have some things to learn -- that may not be it, depending on what triggers it.
My wife also has a bit of anxiousness of social interaction, but hers is the result of being introverted. When at a particular gathering, she has a great time, but until she is actually there, she has an anxiety about it and would prefer just to stay at home. I've also noticed she can be a bit germophobic at times, but it's probably good that someone in this family is.
I'm sure I have some OCD, but it seems to be a healthy amount and hasn't gotten me into any trouble.
And thanks for sharing your story. I know objectively that other people out there must be in a similar situation to myself, but that's a very abstract idea. To hear it from someone with whom I have a strong friendship made it easier to tell someone (in this case a bunch of someones) about how I feel sometimes.
I've got ADD as well, and I had an adderall prescription in high school and for the first few years of college. It's a ridiculously effective drug. I was a brilliant student while I was on it. But I eventually stopped taking it after I decided I didn't want to deal with the side effects anymore (I was experiencing one that was extremely, um, embarrassing in romantic situations). I've been able to maintain without it, I graduated with decent grades and I've been able to do okay with my career, but man... it's still a struggle. I've gotten in trouble many times at work because I sometimes can't go five minutes without checking my phone or flipping to a website or getting distracted by any number of other menial things. I still have a bunch of leftover low-dosage adderall pills that I've hung onto in case I ever felt like I needed them again, and if I ever get a higher pressure job I'm sure I will.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere along the ADD spectrum (I share all of the symptoms you mention and more) and could probably get an Adderall prescription without too many problems, but something's held me back. It's not the stigma of it, it just kind of felt like, I don't know... cheating? Or something along those lines. That, I'm just not in a rush to alter my body chemistry that heavily without very good reason, and I seem to get by okay (man, it probably would've helped in college though). And, you know,because other stuff you mentioned.
Thanks for this, Rhu.
Thank you very much for sharing this, Rhu.
As others have said, thanks for sharing, Rhu. My sister became depressed when she was about 14. I remember first noticing something was "off" when we were on vacation and she didn't want to go anywhere or do anything. After we got home, she just wanted to stay up late watching tv and sleep all day. It took a while for her and my parents to figure out what was going on, but medication helped her immensely. She's a doctor now, and I think things are going well for her (in her personal life as well as professionally), but I get the sense that it's something that is still part of her life and part of who she is. As long as she's able to take the time to make sure she's taking care of herself, all is well.
I wasn't going to share this but what the hell.
This post came out 28 years and 1 day after my brother killed himself. Shotgun to the head. He definitely had depression, coupled with some drug abuse and girlfriend problems. When we were growing up we always just said that "Brad was moody." In hindsight it was obviously he hasn't "moody" but suffered from depression. In his note he said he was going to a better place.
So yeah, depression sucks. If you see a loved one suffering offer some help. There's certianly a lot more awareness of the signs of depression than there was some 30 years ago.
My heart goes out to you, free. Someday I'll talk about my youngest sister and her alcoholic estranged husband. It's been close to 28 years since we said goodbye to her.