61 thoughts on “December 23, 2017: The Desperate Ones”

  2. "Off-Season's Greetings" will be taking a few days off over Christmas. If all goes according to plan (my plan, that is--God's plan may be different), it will be back Thursday. "Happy Birthday" and "2002 Rewind" should appear daily, unless I get the old "missed schedule". If I do, I'd appreciate it if someone would publish them. Thank you.

  3. Happy Festivus, everyone. Christmas gathering with the wife's family this afternoon, prime rib this year. We're bringing dinner rolls, salad and some appetizers. For our Christmas dinner on Monday, Mrs. Twayn has a three pound brisket in the fridge. I'm going to eat well the next few days.

  4. We made cookies last night: sandbakkels (Norwegian), peanut butter cookies, and cherry winks. I learned from my Swedish cousin that their name for sandbakkels is "mandelmussla", "almond mussels" is a better description than "baked sand" I guess.

    1. Those are good cookies, one of my favorites. Not a family tradition going back, but a new one, as EAR and I found the recipe at "Christmas on the Farm" at Brooklyn Park's Eidem Homestead back when CER was an only child. We mis-transcribed the name and called them "Sandbakken" until I brought some to work one year with a label and was told the real name.

      We make them without forms, so they look more like peanut-butter cookies.

  5. Santa came last night at our house. The kids really prefer to celebrate Christmas day at our house but my wife really wanted to go to her parents' house for Christmas day. We rearranged our schedule, had Santa visit 2 days early, and will drive all day Christmas Eve. After doing all these schedule gymnastics, my sister-in-law casually mentioned that she's hosting her in-laws on Christmas day so she (and her kids that are the same age as my son) will not be seeing us at all on Christmas day. This never came up in all the planning. So now we are sitting all Christmas day at my in-law's house with nothing to do and no one to see.

    Happy Festivus to all!

    1. What's always fun is when you make sure everyone knows (and they do anyway) that because of your work you have to make your plans well in advance, and so would they please let you know what their plans are as soon as possible, and they refuse to commit to anything until the last minute, and then they're upset with you because you can't alter your plans at the last minute to accommodate them.

      1. Yes.

        In our situation, we get punished for "moving away." I've never lived there and my wife moved from there 30 years ago.

      2. This is the case for my wife and her family absolutely refuses to plan in advance. Drives me crazy. They seem to believe that because circumstances can change, it’s best to not even try to plan ahead. My favorite was when we planned to vacation with them, they cancelled, and then went anyway.

        1. Hell, my family even has trouble with, you know, communicating (in both directions) about travel plans. I've experienced the "nobody is home" phenomenon when we've arrived driving from the airport, even though we made our flight plans known well in advance and communicated about our arrival at each stage of the trip.

  6. My snowblower saga is over. It's now ready for the snow that we apparently no longer get. I took one of the wheels off to better access the carb (hoping I could get the jet out without removing the whole thing.) when I did that, the axle moved so that the woodruff key connecting the shaft to the gear fell out. It was both a pain to find on my dirty garage floor and to get it into the slot on the gear when reassembling, but it moves on its own power now.

    I'm gonna have a celebratory beer.

  7. I've been collecting "bad" Christmas albums* kindof passively for a few years. I just got Aaron Neville, Cee Lo Green, two volumes of A Very Special Christmas, and a DCG Christmas album with the Roots, Beck, Sonic Youth, and others. I wonder if there's any gold buried within...

    *At least, Christmas albums that I wouldn't expect to be good, ones I can't listen through.

      2. Would I have to pay full price for it? If so, it doesn't really count.
        EAR hates Neville's voice, and she wanted to throw it away before I even listened to it.
        I think this DGC compilation is nearly 100% unlistenable. Those who like the Posies or XTC or Remy Zero might find something worthwhile here, but this Sonic Youth song would be the worst thing on NYC Ghosts & Flowers or any of the SYR EPs.

    2. Twisted Sister's Twisted Christmas. Jim Jones's A Dipset X-Mas. Billy Idol's Happy Holidays. I haven't heard any of these, but have long planned to brave them.

      1. Jim Jones? Wow.
        The first Very Special Christmas has Run-DMC's "Christmas in Hollis", so there's that.

  8. Festivals landing on a Saturday takes the steam out of airing grievances. Nothing like being stuck at work to get the grievance blood flowing.

    Here’s to all male sexual harassers. I hope you all experience incurable erectile disfunction.

    Anyone who thinks shooting up a concert, place of business, school, highway and those who defend them — I hope there is a special place in hell for you.

    Drivers in twin cities: Me and my bike have as much right to the road as you do. Please remember that you can easily kill me with your 2000 pound car.

    To the present occupant of the White House: younday if reckoning is coming and your Russian friends won’t be there to help you.

    Fuck cancer.

    1. Drivers in twin cities: Me and my bike have as much right to the road as you do. Please remember that you can easily kill me with your 2000 pound car.

      Drivers in New Orleans like to drive in the bike lane because there is less car traffic in those lanes. Fuck them and the Prius they rode in on.

      1. I only heard about the new bike lane on Jackson Avenue about eleven billionty times when I was there a few weeks ago.

        1. I have a feeling your outlaws and I may be on opposite sides of the bike lane debate (though, truly I don’t know).

  10. Oh my list of grievance is pretty short this year, but here we go anyway.

    The sewage and water board of Orleans parish can go fuck themselves. Thanks for doing your best to out graft every other corrupt government organization in Louisiana. Congratulations on flooding out the city and allowing the joker who was running things to retire with a six figure pension. Assholes all around.

    I’d like to also congratulate congress on gutting the middle class. Excellent work. I’m looking forward to airing my grievances about “entitlement” reform next year.

    And finally, I’d like to say a big fuck off to the guy who robbed me at gun point. Thanks for the memories.

  12. My list of grievances:

    People who write a letter requesting a donation of some sort for some sort of event. Then, call a couple of weeks later and ask "we sent a letter and you didn't respond, did you not get it?" Well, yes, I did get your letter and a thousand others. If you want my help with a fundraiser, stop in and look me in the eye and make your request. Mail doesn't cut it. Phone calls only cut it if I already know you.

    Credit card processing companies and their representatives. Yes, I know you can save me thousands of dollars, but please don't act all pissy when I decline to talk to you once I see your horrible online reviews in which you rip people off. Stop calling me assholes!

    I have more but I need to run a delivery.

  13. One grievance (I probably have more, but as Free says, when the day falls on a Saturday, I can't get my dander sufficiently up.):
    Whoever the hell wants to rename the Coon Rapids Dam Regional Park (with which my property abuts) to "Mississippi Gateway Park" or "Mighty Mississippi Park". You have horrible taste; please do not force it on me, my family, and my neighbors. The park is at the Coon Rapids Dam. Blame the township of "Coon Junction" for selecting the dam's name when it incorporated. If you wish to make it distinct from the identically-named park across the river, there is one solution: West Coon Rapids Dam Regional Park.

  15. I took the boys sledding near our house this morning, and despite being the only two kids on the sledding hill, they managed to collide. (The peperoncino was rolling down the hill rather than using a sled because 4-year-olds are weird like that, and the jalapeño ended up sliding right into him and pushing him down the hill a good 10 feet with the front of his sled.) 😖

    Fortunately, no one was badly hurt. I had always assumed that jumping off a sled to avoid a collision was a natural instinct, but apparently it's not . . .

  16. So, looking at NBA on ESPN . Timberwolves have a 96% chance of making the playoffs according to their BPI playoff odds. Only 6 teams with a higher % chance . I am a little puzzled why I see a lot more angst than excitement for the Wolves lately.

    1. I wonder if it’s because there’s a bit of a Game of Thrones “you win or you die” aspect to the NBA. Wolves seem good enough to make playoffs, but not go all the way, therefore they could get stuck in non-lottery hell and never really have a chance to win the title this window. But still, I would imagine it’s nice to watch some winning basketball.

      2. 7 games over .500, 4th in the Western Conference. This is slightly better than most of us picked. What were we expecting? We should be better than the Warriors, Rockets, and Spurs? I guess my take on it is that they are doing much better than last year, and they are still figuring each other out. As far as minutes played, yes we have 3 of the top 13 in the NBA. But 35-37 minutes played is too much?

        1. I think it’s just such a long season, the more you can spread out the minutes, the less likely you are to suffer injuries and the more energy you’ll have down the stretch.

          1. Maybe I am the Bert Blyleven/Jack Morris of NBA minutes. Lebron and Durant have led the league in minutes multiple times and it doesn't seem to hurt them down the stretch. I guess it maybe depends on the player. All 3 of our heavy minute guys are young and in great shape. Now get off my lawn. 🙂 J/K - Have a great Christmas!

            1. In 2016-17, the NBA leader in minutes was ... Andrew Wiggins. Number two was ... Karl-Anthony Towns.

              Among players on the two finalists, the top was James (10th).

              Durant has not been in the top ten since 2013-14, when he was 25.

              Lebron is a freak, but his minutes would not be so high if he had better teammates (this year, it's injuries, I think).

              1. You probably went and researched this, and you probably saw the NBA minutes played leaders are littered with players from championship teams, so don't cherry pick. Would everyone be freaked out about minutes played if the Chicago press didn't make such a big deal out of it a few years back? So, our big THREE play one or two minutes more per game than most other superstars. I think it is just overblown. Yes, Durant was 25 back then. Towns and Wiggins are pups, and Butler is 28 and in phenomenal shape. My main point is the team is doing about what was expected and I don't understand why everyone is so worked up about the coach and the team. We finally have a good team... appreciate it.

    2. For me, the #1 thing causing me to be less enthused about watching games is Wiggins. How have is as unpalatable as Kobe, only he's also bad. I love watching Butler and KAT. Tyus has been fun to watch break out and when he was playing, Bjelica was enjoyable. But, I just know that sitting down to watch a game will require me to sit through 10-15 possessions of Wiggins making a terrible decision resulting in an ugly shot. It's maddening.

      1. Isolation ball on offense (especially Wiggins, but pretty much every close game in the fourth quarter turns into a rotating game of 1-on-5 depending on the possession) is completely awful to watch.

  17. Just took in Last Jedi.

    Thumbs up. Easily the funniest of all the films (despite, you know, body count). The originals still win in terms of camaraderie, but there was plenty about this one that was very good to great.

    Also, recliner seats rock.

      1. Actual Spoiler SelectShow

    2. Going tomorrow to see it. I tend to get 2 takes from people and it is split about 50/50. Half love it and it is maybe the best ever. Half thinks Disney is ruining Star Wars. Since the last 3 that Lucas made were simply awful, I don't get the people who don't like these newest 3. Hmmm.

  18. Grievances:

    *Customers who counter-offer. We're not a flea market and you have zero bargaining power, dude.
    *Waiting for people who are already filthy rich, and in no hurry, to decide your future success at their leisure.
    *The fact that I can't find my Blu-Ray player remote.

    Huh. Seems like my year has been pretty good if these are my grievances.

  19. Grievances:

    Post-concussion syndrome, especially the frustration of having no real idea when it will finally go away.

    Coworkers who can’t/won’t ever submit things to me on time or without numerous reminders. You’ve done 99% of the work, but if you don’t turn it in, it isn’t done!

    Administration who does nothing. If I’m ever unsure what the dean will say about something, I just need to figure out which option will mean less work for him, since he’ll always choose that one.

    “Support” staff who does nothing to actually support faculty. I (and most everyone else) knows the dean’s office is very, very likely to screw up any simple task given to them, which means I get stuck dealing with everything they should be doing.

  20. Grievances:

    -The "hurry up and wait" aspect of my new division at work. Sometimes I just want to get work done, people. I'm sick of waiting for you to miss deadlines because it's not that urgent for you and there are no ramifications. Instead, I just have to stare at my stupid case tracker and see one extra project that isn't complete because of circumstances entirely out of my control.
    -Ronald Koeman. Thanks for spending millions of pounds like a drunken sailor to collect a bunch of #10's and no striker while also deciding that you should just vary your defensive strategy by the half (seriously, switching your formation at halftime in about 10 different games doesn't show flexibility, it shows that you're a moron who can't stick to any sort of plan). Thankfully, the ship seems to have been righted now, so relegation doesn't look likely.
    -Andrew Wiggins. Go watch Jimmy Butler play and try to do about one one-hundreth of what he does when the ball isn't in his hands rather than just standing around and contributing nothing.
    -My nose. First a polyp and a severely deviated septum kept me from breathing for about five months until surgery. Then, the problem seemed to be solved yet now I haven't been able to breath again for about 3 weeks.
    -Bon Iver. I think I avoided you all year, but you still suck just for being you.
    -Harris, Minnesota. Just once I want all the elements in that town to not try to conspire to kill me during the MS150. Try paving your county road, people.

    1. Your final grievance is the town I grew up in. Haven't been back in a long time, but what road are you referring to?

  21. Grievance: that gawd-awful Mountain Dew advert. "Nothing can stop me, I'm all the way up."

    I like Dew, but the damn thing is on All. The. Time. God, it is annoying. Kill it dead.

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