C: a one (hundred) act play

[To end 8.5 innings, Morneau grounds out to Hosmer, who flips to
Teaford for the 3rd out]
[Pavano picks up glove, readies to go to the field]
[Gardenhire steps in front of him and place a hand on his chest]
Gardenhire: Whoa, whoa, buddy.  Where do you think you’re going?
Pavano:  Uh, I’m finishing this thing.
Gardenhire: What, what, what?!?  I don’t think so, buddy.  First of all, you’ve
thrown, like, 2 million pitches--
Pavano: 103
Gardenhire: Yeah, well, that’s, like, 3 more pitches than too many.  Second,
this is technically a save situation, which means, technically, that I have absolutely
no choice but to put in my closer, no matter what possible extenuating— wait, are
you pitching a no-hitter?
Pavano: 9 hits.
Gardenhire: …no matter what the possible extenuating circumstances may be.
However, I used Capps yesterday when we were up by 6 runs, so, uh… And third!  I’ve
got Hoey and Burnett all warmed up, and if they can’t get the job done, Dumatrait’s
ready to get up at a moment’s notice.
Pavano:  You can’t be serious.
Gardenhire: Ahh, but I am.  I’m sorry, Pavvy, but I just don’t see how I can—
[Pavano grabs Gardenhire at the chest]
Pavano: Listen, old man, this is my 7th try at 3 digits.  I ain’t making no Hall of Fame,
but I’m getting this 100th win no matter what you, Smithy, or the bullpen you genii
hobbled together have to say about it.  If my words aren’t enough to convince you, then
look into my mustache.
Gardenhire: But, you don’t have a—
Pavano: LOOK AT IT!!!!!!
Gardenhire: Um, okay, Pavvy.  It’s all yours...