Minnesota Twins

Rings in the Sky: A Twins Cautionary Hymn

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With apologies to Joe Hill.

Oh the Pohlads come out every year,
Tell Twins fans they've got something to cheer;
But when asked to shell out for their team
They won't tell you they sell a pipe dream:

(Chorus:)
Twins will win, bye and bye,
In that glorious land above the sky;
Shorthanded play, most everyday,
You'll get rings in the sky when you die.
(That’s a lie!)

A nepo baby holds the club's purse strings,
Dave St. Peter counts up their earnings,
Once they've raked your coin into the bank,
That's when they tell you the payroll has shrank.

(chorus)

The Twins needed a new TV deal,
Waves of greenbacks to steady the keel.
"Give your money to Bally," they say,
"They might televise a ballgame today."

(chorus)

There was some talent down on the farm,
Young Brooks Lee and a number of arms;
Big wheels fell off all season, you know:
Carlos, Paddack, Royce, Buxton, Max, and Joe.

(chorus)

Help was needed for several key roles,
To patch a roster with quite a few holes,
The front office was mostly clear-eyed:
Can't sign free agents — their hands were tied.

(chorus)

Private equity holds all the cards,
Socialized losses with private rewards,
Never trust their inherited wealth,
"Caveat emptor" for your mental health.

8 thoughts on “Rings in the Sky: A Twins Cautionary Hymn”

  1. I feel obligated to fill in for every Twins' FB post commenter and say "It sure would be nice if the Twins were on a channel I could watch." plus angry emojis

    That said, we all have coping mechanisms -- I hope this post helped you. 'Scuse me while I go throw things into the woods.

    1. Just steering my ship by the light of Ralph Ellison:

      The blues is an impulse to keep the painful details and episodes of a brutal experience alive in one's aching consciousness, to finger its jagged grain, and to transcend it, not by the consolation of philosophy but by squeezing from it a near-tragic, near-comic lyricism. As a form, the blues is an autobiographical chronicle of personal catastrophe expressed lyrically.

    1. Kind of tangential, but I don’t know when I’d ever mention this otherwise:

      I love that “Eternal Father, Strong to Save” has special verses for each component of the naval service. (Even one for Antarctic service It would probably take approval of a special request to have it sung at a funeral in my denomination, but boy is it a great hymn.

      2. I loved waking up as a boy on Saturdays, grabbing a bowl of cereal, and then waiting for the test pattern on KTHI to change to The Star Spangled Banner and Eternal Father Strong to Save (although I should probably say The Navy Hymn based on the imagery used). The latter is a low brass favorite, btw.

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