Twins 7, Rangers 2
WP: The Dunce LP: C. Lewis
Twins record 49-55, 6 games out of first
Fangraphs should really be named fungraphs
MLB

Yesterday, Joe Mauer arrived at Ranger's Ballpark well before he needed to. He unpacked his duffel bag in the clubhouse before the game, and glanced around to ensure that no one was looking. He quickly slid his man muscles out of the bag, slipped them on, and suited up for the game acting like nothing was out of the ordinary and patiently waited for the game to start. The Ump called out, "Play Ball" and Ben Revere stepped into the box. He took a couple of pitches, but eventually hit a ground ball to make the first out. 'Lexi wasted no time, and popped out to the second baseman for the second out. Joe walked up to the dish, tugging on his uni a bit hoping that no one could see the bulge of his man muscles beneath. He took the first pitch for a strike and then deposited the second pitch into the right field bleachers. Joe Mauer trotted around the bases and thought about kissing his bicep, but decided that that would be a douchy thing to do. Not wanting to be outdone, Cuddy jacked a donger of his own in the 4th inning, and from that point on the Twins never looked back. After the game, the boys cheered for the return of the man muscles shouting hip-hip-hooray.

Get some culture inebriation at Psycho Suzi's Motor Lounge. The burgers are great, the patio is splendid, and who can argue with 3 dollar surly during happy hour?