First Pitch - 7:10 p.m. (set your digital watches)
Television - FSN

This late in the season, Time is not on our side. But with just over a week to go, we have a chance to at least play the Bandits and help our bretheren in Baltimore (including the Gentleman Masher) steal the American League East division title away from Evil. Of course, it won't be easy, but nothing is when your team has turned into a bunch of bumbling midgets that have stolen the map of all the holes in the Universe (like the one that sucked our starting rotation right into oblivion this season) and you're on the run from Bud Selig the Supreme Being.

On the hill tonight Liam Hendriks will face off against Andy Pettitte in a classic pairing of  rookie non-phenom versus veteran ace. In another time or place I might do a deep and thoughtful performance analysis of the two starters or the two lineups (probability level -99.7%), but honestly, today I feel  so mercifully free of the ravages of intelligence that I won't bother. Hell, gents, this thing only ends one way or the other. But it sure would be nice in the waning days of another lost season to have a hand in knocking the boys from the Bronx off their precarious one-game perch and forcing them into the playoffs as a wild card team instead of a division winner. And besides, you can never get enough of puppies this time of year.

Play ball!