September 14, 2012

Mood: 🙁 forlorn

Music: Adele - Someone Like You

I didn't watch the game but I heard we won. I was supposed to be at the stadium but whatever. I went to Mom and Scott's house instead. Mom made meat loaf and tater tots which are my favorite foods but I wasn't even hungry. Kaycie was being a brat all night saying that I was acting like a little p***y but I didn't care. They don't understand. My chest hurts so bad and the doctor said it's because my rib is broken but I know its because I have a broken heart.

Coach Gardenhire told me that my season was done and was just like "good job this year kid" and then he walked away. I know he's not my dad and I'm not a little kid who needs to be hugged but it was just like I dunno like he almost didn't even care. And Mr. Ryan called me and he just said stuff like "see you in the spring" like what you don't even caare what I do now? They were just using me for baseball the whole time. I thought this team was a family but I guess it's just a lie. I wish Brian was here because it has really sucked ever since they sent him down. I hope he's having fun now. He said he was gonna rent an apartment on the Southern Miss campus for the beginning of the school year to "check out the new crop." He said it in a typical gross way and I don't even want to know what he meant.

What really hurts is that when I told Nicole I wasn't going to play again this year she said she didn't want to see me anymore. I thought things were going great with her but I guess that was just an illusion too, like when Brian kept talking about the playoffs. I believed him when he said that we had a chance to win the division but then after he got sent down I looked at the standings and called him up and was like wtf we're in last place we're not making the playoffs! And Brian just laughed! And Alex was in the room and overheard and said "your a f***ing dummy" and he put me in a headlock.

I don't know when I will update this again. I'm thinking about getting away from it all for a while. Dad said he wants to go on a fishing trip and that I can invite Brian if I want. I don't know if I want to do baseball anymore. I'm thinking about being a writer, maybe writing a book or a movie script about my big league experience. Mom says I have real talent but I know it would upset Dad if I quit. I just didn't know it would be this hard. Dad always says "just stick with it one more year, I know you can be a champion." I want to make him proud and win a world series, but I have to do what's in my heart. I guess now is the time to figure out what that is. Maybe I will see you guys in  spring training, or maybe I will see you in Hollywood.

Goodbye for now,

Xx_Cole_38_xX