Friday Music Day

FMD: In Which We Air Grievances About Christmas Music

67 Comments

As suggested yesterday, now is the ideal time for us to gripe about those Christmas songs that we hate. Objectively speaking, "Last Christmas" by Wham is the worst Christmas song of all time, but others are bad too.

Also, drop a random list if you're AMR the mood strikes you.

67 thoughts on “FMD: In Which We Air Grievances About Christmas Music”

  1. John Lennon's "Happy Xmas (War is Over)" is like i-i's dive for Mark Kotsay's liner: if he did something good after that, I don't remember it.

  2. Christmas songs I cold go without forever:

    12 Days of Christmas
    Most versions of Winter Wonderland

  3. There's a certain Paul McCartney (and/or Wings) that is the worst possible earworm and I can't even write the title or think the words without getting it stuck in my head. Why did he have to be the last surviving of the Beatles?

    2. I agree on the awfulness of that song, but to me the Wham one is worse. It's got the same awful earworminess, but even less content. It's literally just 2.5 minutes of the same repeated refrain, punctuated with a single, awful, verse. Also, it makes no sense. Also, the protagonist is an idiot.

      1. I like both of those songs better than I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth. My brother had his two front teeth removed as a toddler (kept falling and chipping them). You can only hear a 'cute' little brother be encouraged to sing that stupid song (and then ham it up) so many times before you want to knock out the rest of his teeth.

        1. I can take the Spike Jones versions of those songs, although they're far from his best. No one else should ever be allowed to do them.

  4. 1. Roots Manuva “Fever” Bluffer's Guide 3: The 'Tings of Spring'
        a. Pine Grosbeak (Taiga Subspecies) “Song”* (Cornell Master Set)
        b. Blue-headed Vireo “Calls” (Cornell Essential Set)
    2. Arvo Pärt “Fratres for Cello & Piano” Fratres*
    3. Funki Porcini “River” The Ultimately Empty Million Pounds
    4. The Jimi Hendrix Experience “Spanish Castle Magic” Axis: Bold as Love
    5. Bonnie 'Prince' Billy “The Houseboat (O How I Enjoy the Light)” Pond Scum*

        c. Rose-breasted Grosbeak “Calls” (Cornell Essential Set)
    6. Blondes “Amber” Blondes
    7. Underworld “Something Like a Mama” Beaucoup Fish
    8. Grinderman “No Pussy Blues”* Grinderman
        d. Blue Jay “2-part 'Kallag' Calls” (Cornell Master Set)
        e. Tufted Titmouse “Calls” (Cornell Essential Set)
    9. Ha Ha Tonka “A Siege of Sorts” Novel Sounds of the Nouveau South
    T. Eric Copeland “Reptilian Space Beings Shapeshifting Bloodsucking Vampires”* Alien in a Garbage Dump

    *Notes:
        a. Sounds like a Robin
    2. Naxos release. Performed by the Hungarian State Opera Orchestra, conducted by Tamás Benedeck
    5. A new release collecting three old Peel Sessions.
    8. Damn!
    T. This guy has a way with titles, doesn't he?

  5. A week from now would be a better day to air Xmas song grievances.

    I don't have a problem with any Christmas songs on the whole (if they aren't overplayed) but I don't like how Zune keeps throwing them into my listening rotation throughout the year.

      1. I don't know what Free's got planned, but you can air grievances over topic choice with him. 😉

  6. 1. Slow Cheetah – Red Hot Chili Peppers
    2. Beautiful Way (Live) – Beck
    3. Raindrops + Snowshowers – Smashing Pumpkins
    4. Panama – Van Halen
    5. Santeria – Sublime

    6. Long Live Rock – The Who
    7. Thorn In My Pride – Chris & Rich Robinson
    8. Georgia – Boz Scaggs
    9. Maybe, This Time – OK Go
    10. You Make It Easy – James Taylor

    B1. New Genius (Brother) [Mix] – Gorillaz

  7. I don't dislike the song itself, but it bothers me that "My Favorite Things" is considered a Christmas song.

    1. Co-sign. If I remember correctly (and I've blessedly not watched that musical for decades), she sings it just after coming in from frolicking in a flowery high mountain meadow, which is ahistoric, as the Anschluß began on 12 March.

      1. ...frolicking in a flowery high mountain meadow, which is ahistoric, as the Anschluß began on 12 March.

        historians...

      2. Except that she started working for the von Trapps in 1926. They were already married (in the movie too, I believe) prior to the Anschluss.

        1. In reality, yes. The musical takes significant...liberties. The musical suggests they marry just before the beginning of the Anschluß, immediately after von Trapp breaks off his engagement to a baroness over the baroness' accommodationist attitudes. In reality, they were married in ...(looking it up)... 1927.

    2. It is a Christmas song:
      "Raindrops on roses" : Lo How a Rose E'er Blooming
      "Whiskers on kittens": Santa Claws
      "Bright copper kettles": Salvation Army Ringers
      "warm woolen mittens": Winter
      "Brown paper packages tied up with strings": gifts, wrapped.
      "Doorbells and sleigh bells": Caroling and Sleigh rides
      "Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings": In winter, Waterfowl congregate where there's open water and are noisy and will fly around if there's enough light to see by. I witnessed this at the Coon Rapids Dam just Wednesday night.
      "Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes": Saint Lucia celebrations
      "Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes" More Winter
      "Silver-white winters that melt into springs" Solstice passed, Spring is coming

  12. Here's a grievance: Christmas music starts too soon (shouldn't ever start before Thanksgiving) and ends too soon. I mean, technically, pre-Christmas is Advent, and the Christmas season lasts until the Baptism of Jesus (which immediately follows the Epiphany, I think?). But even practically speaking, at least give me until January 2nd. The relaxing days that follow Christmas, days of eating leftovers and playing with new toys, should be leaned into a bit harder.

    1. SOOOO MUUUUCH THHHIIIISSS!!!!!!
      My wife has the Twin Cities station which plays Christmas music 24/7 on in her car at least a week before Thanksgiving and started in on the Pandora X-Mas channel on Black Fri. Drives me bonkers so I turn it off and she calls me a Grinch (which Kernel & Niblet think is both hilarious and sorta scary). I want to enjoy Thanksgiving as a stand-alone holiday, not a crappy prequel/stepchild to Christmas. My wife's birthday is always within a few days of T-giving (11/26) so the end of November's always a crunch anyway! December 1? alright, that's fine. November 20th?!!1 No ... just no.

      1. Depending on the year, and when Thanksgiving falls, I'd go back and forth between Dec 1 and Black Friday. 1st Sunday of Advent is probably a better rule.

      2. Hearty co-sign, particularly leaning into the post-Christmas days (and, for that matter, the wonderful post-Thanksgiving, pre-December/Advent/Yule days!), which have their own special flavor and pace. Observing the Orthodox calendar and traditions means more emphasis is placed on Theophany than Christmas itself. This also means we navigate the Western/Eastern divide effectively by timing our travels accordingly.

        I also get the Grinch label for insisting on waiting until December before playing Christmas music – or decorating – in the house. How much I hear about it is directly correlated to where Thanksgiving falls on the calendar.

        1. I'm notorious for thumbing my nose at houses lit up before Thanksgiving.

          The few days following Christmas should be great for Christmas music, but dang it all that's supposed to be Bowl Season!!

    2. EAR and I have been wavering back and forth on this. We've tried waiting for the true Christmas carols (Silent Night, O Holy Night, What Child is This, etc.) until Christmas, but then we're listening to secular songs and 16 versions of "O Come O Come Emmanuel".
      Plus, I think Christmas carols help de-Scrooge my mood, and build lasting memories in the kids. And we're not then tired of Christmas songs (because they're unavoidable) before we ever play them.

      Which is not to say it's cool before Thanksgiving.

      1. Endorsed, particularly re: de-Scrooging.

        One trick I've employed is to stick to "mainstream" Christmas stations pre-Christmas, and switch to Christian ones afterward. Seems like that helps hit the sweet spot for me, since post-Christmas I want more of those true carols too.

    3. My mom did Christmas music from the beginning of November to the end of January. And thanks to my uncle's prodding, it was just Mannheim Steamroller Christmas albums. Over and over.

      I am not a fan of Christmas music as a result, and I despise Mannheim Steamroller.

      1. I recieved the Mannheim Steamroller Christmas CD as a gift when I was a teenager. I think I've only used it to torture EAR.* Does that make it Festivus music?

        *I don't like it either, but I've paid money for albums that are objectively unpleasant, so I can put up with it about five minutes longer than EAR can.
        Next time I should ask her if she'd rather listen to the Steamroller or Aaron Dilloway's "Eight Cut Scars"

        (for Robert Turman) SelectShow

        I kid you not, I was just putting the finishing touches on this LTE and "Eight Cut Scars" came on my iPod's shuffle.

        1. I'm of an era where Mannheim Steamroller was a breath of fresh aire* for the Christmas music scene. Personally, I don't get TSO's Christmas music; I prefer my seasonal music introspective, not epic.

          *pun intended

          1. I actually like both. But what I really want to hear is the Bing Crosby/Andy Williams type music that my parents always played when I was young.

            1. Andy Williams' "It's the most wonderful time of the year..." is the first thing I hear when I put on Christmas tunes for the season.

              I have some real favorites, among them Tom Stacy's Nu View Christmas and Rutter's arrangements on Christmas Night: Carols of the Nativity
              https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o3w94WFrgl0

              I can't listen to any of A Charlie Brown Christmas tracks with kids' singing; one of the boys is hopelessly out of tune from the rest.

            1. According to the Repository anyway ... I didn't know they existed.

              Songs for Christmas is a box set of five separate EPs of Christmas-related songs and carols recorded by independent musician Sufjan Stevens between 2001 and 2006. The EPs had been given as gifts to friends and family of Stevens over the past six years, except for 2004 where he was too busy recording the Illinois album.

              1. hmm, fair enough. i always consider EPs to be 4-5 songs. they're not quite LPs, but there's more content that EPs. sementics. great xmas music in any case.

          2. All that holiday output is why he's never going to make an album about Minnesota or Alaska.
            Which is when I told myself I'd give him a listen.

  13. I saw 3 Ships

    Oh they sailed into Bethlehem
    On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day
    They sailed into Bethlehem
    On Christmas Day in the morning

    I didn't know Bethlehem was a port city. Maybe it was back then.

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