First Pitch 1:10 p.m.

Rick Porcello (7-2, 4.04 ERA, 68 K, 1.084 WHIP)
Pat Dean (1-2, 4.75 ERA, 22K, 1.484 WHIP)

The Curse of 2016 continues for the home team with news that Phil Hughes actually suffered a compression fracture of the femur from a wicked line drive smash to the knee and not just a bruise and will be out six to eight weeks. Trevor May was also sent to the DL with a sore back, and Glen Perkins was moved to the 60-day DL after experiencing very slow progress in his rehab.

I've never in my day seen a team as snake-bit as this year's constitution of the Twins. I don't even know what to say about this team and the size of the hole they continue to dig anymore. We have 100 games left after today, and we're on pace to go 47-115 for the season, according to my Indiana algebra. For perspective, the worst season in franchise history belongs to the 1904 Washington Senators, who lost 113 games out of 157 for a .252 winning percentage. The worst Twins record on record was the 102 loss team of 1982. I guess the good news this year is we're only slightly under-performing our Pythagorean of 20-41.

The Red Sox are going for a sweep today in what will be David Ortiz's last game against the Twins. If there's any more appropriately symbolic indictment of the perennial mismanagement of the Minnesota Twins, it's David Ortiz and his career numbers (.286/.379/.551/.931/141 OPS+) standing at the plate today against a ragtag collection of Twins players struggling to prevent an historically bad losing record.

Rick Porcello on the hill for Boston against left-hander Pat Dean for the Twins. Normally I'd say "Play ball," but...

Fuck it, Dude. Let's go bowling.