All posts by nibbish

2011 Twins Game Logs

Game #(insert game number here): (insert AAA joke here) vs. (insert detroit or large cat joke here)

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("Man this team is bad" joke)

(half-hearted statistical analysis detailing just how bad things have gotten)

(oh, wait... we're batting against Verlander today? We're even more out of luck than usual.)

(Make 190-pitch complete game joke.)

(links to these two Gleeman tweets detailing how the Twins aren't very good at anything)

(threaten to volunteer to do house work with the wife instead of watching game, only to chicken out later because the work she's got planned sucks, and bad baseball is better than no baseball until the 8th inning when we've only got ONE FREAKING RUN AGAIN)

(Delmon Young joke)

(snarky condolences to anyone who watches the game)

I mean, if the Twins can phone it in, why can't I?

2011 Twins Game Logs

Game 113: Sox at Twinkies

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It'd be nice if Jim Thome would hurry up and hit number 600, so I can move on with my plan of watching games until we're losing by two, because we're back to the point where the starting pitching is bad, and a Twins lead sometimes seems like an insurmountable deficit. Things are tough to watch, a few players excepted.

The Smartest Pitcher in Baseball takes the mound tonight against Zach Stewart, who is making just his 4th big league start. Our favorite tater-masher should get some good cuts in today.

Let's see some dongers jacked... I mean... umm... yeah.

2011 Twins Game Logs

Game 107: Twins at A’s

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After an ugly series against the Tigers and a split against the Rangers, a series against the A's is texactly what we need right now. Going from facing lineups with Miguel Cabreras and Josh Hamiltons to a lineup whose greatest threat is Josh Willingham is kind of a nice change of pace.

Luckily for A's fans, we're going to try to counteract that lineup by bringing out Nick Blackburn tonight. Blackie's been in second-half form lately, carrying a 6.94 ERA over his last seven starts (and that's after a couple of very nice starts in the middle of this month). We've got the resistible force meeting the movable object - which will suck less? Only time will tell.

The Twins get to face Guillermo Moscoso. Guillermo's trad stats look okay (3-5, 3.47 ERA), but he's carrying some ugly peripherals. He's not striking people out (4.5 K/9), he's walking more than a pitcher like him should (3.5 BB/9), and he's giving up lots of homers (1.4 HR/9, which seems high, until you consider he's got a ground ball rate of just over 25%). Combine that with a BABIP of .219, and you would think that this is exactly the type of pitcher the Twins would tee off on (no ground balls, no strikeouts). So, let's see some of that, then.

I expect a high scoring game. However, since I'm expecting that, I'm sure the game will go scoreless until the 17th inning, when Butera will bunt home a run, making Cuddyer the winning pitcher (Jose Mijares won't be used, because no loving manager would put his team's fans through two straight nights of Mijares pitching).

2011 Twins Game Logs

2011 Game #92: Royals at Twins

204 Comments

I had a post written up about how much Matt Capps sucks, but I wrote it while angry and somewhat inebriated. Today when I read it, I realized that it wasn't even quarter-bakef. We can't have substandard stuff like that, so instead, I'm going to half-bake it on the fly.

Carl Pavano (6-6, 97 ERA+)

Jeff Francis (3-10, 84 ERA+)

The 'stacheless 'stacheman has been pulling it together as of late, that one game in Milwaukee excepted. We've beaten Francis around a little bit in couple of times we've played him this year, so I'm feeling pretty good about tonight's game. I predict Ben Revere will hit an inside-the-park home run in which he will run the last 80 feet backwards.

Matt Capps sucks....but we'd better score a few more runs tonight than we did last night.

2011 Twins Game Logs

Game 88: JETER GOT HIS 3000TH HIT (Also, Twins and Sox)

315 Comments

The greatest player in Yankees history hit his 3000th hit today. The good Yankee Captain, as he is called worldwide (even by those who are otherwise oblivious to baseball) because the first player ever to use nothing but willpower and intangibles to guide the ball over the fence for the milestone (the other player to hit a home run for his 3000th hit, Wade Boggs, used some combination of shoe polish and eastern mysticism). Ray's pitcher David Price wept openly, and joyfully ran to give the heroic shortstop a hug, thanking Jeter for allowing him to be used for his higher purpose.

Commissioner Selig decreed July 9th to be "Jeter Day" for 'as long as baseball is played, both on earth and into the stars above'. "Today, he truly has made the intangible 'tangible'" he said in a pre-recorded speech to the President and his Cabinet. In less well-received news, the commissioner's office has decided to continue playing the rest of the games on today's schedule, in blatant disrespect to the All-Star Shortstop's acomplishment. Certainly, there will be a 30 minute mandatory silence period between each inning to reflect on what this moment in history means, but there are many who believe that the rest of the month's schedule should be nullified in favor of the planned month-long Jeterbration to be held nationwide, beginning Sunday.

You are all encouraged to immediately begin making your pilgrimage to New York to pay homage.

For those who prefer to watch Brian Duensing take on Mark Buehrle in today's meaningless contest between two flyover teams, do so knowing that you spit in the face of history.

2011 Twins Game Logs

End of the First half: Brewers at Twins

224 Comments

Thirty games ago, I don't think any of us would thought we could be 8 games out at the halfway point. Fifteen games ago, I doubt that any of us would've been happy with that result, but here we are.

Tonight, we've got Carl Pavano taking on Chris Narveson tonight. When these matches up last Sunday, the result was... not good. On the other hand, after Liriano's game last night, I expect that the Twins will probably win 8-0.

I won't be around much this weekend, so everybody have a safe, fun 4th of July weekend, and cheer on the Twins to a positive end to the first half.

Go Twins!

2011 Twins Game Logs

Game 69: Padres at Mauers

137 Comments

Back in game log 35, I made the statement "when the major leaguers on this team outnumber the minor leaguers, they might grab my interest again." In fairness, the scrubs started playing pretty well the last couple of weeks. It seemed for a little while there that I was marveling at the sheer wretchedness of that night's lineup every night, only to have them score a buttload of runs for our suddenly-rock-solid starting pitching staff.

That's all well and good, but now that things are gradually swinging back to "Minnesota Twins" rather than "Minnesota Red Wings", I'm finding myself genuinely excited by the team. Sure, we still have one too many players on the team named "Butera", and Jim Hoey is inexplicably still employed by a major league ballclub, but Tolbert is back to his rightful position as backup utility infielder! Dusty Hughes is elsewhere! Joe Mauer played in a major league game last night.

For all our pessimism earlier this season, we were still invested in just about every game. It looks like the Twins are ready to reward us.

Scott "All Star" Baker vs. Tim "Don't Look At My Record, Either" Stauffer

I expect Baker to have a very good game today, as he builds towards his All-Star resume (in vain, of course). I do not expect the same for his counterpart.