Well, last night sure (went well/didn't go well). That brings our losing streak to (Graham's Number), so I guess that's at least notable.

Furthermore, it's unfortunate that (star player) got hurt when he (performed basic baseball action). I imagine the Twins training staff will call it a (minor, non-threatening injury) for a few weeks until forced to admit that is actually a (year ruining injury). Sign him up for Tommy John!

Tonight, (name of pitcher) takes the mound for the Twins, he has (colorful euphemism for "lost") his last (ω1) starts, generally through a combination of (near pathological lack of strikeouts/unhealthy obsession with giving up home runs) and (poor timing/what can only be described as "Tsutomu Yamaguchi" level bad luck). Maybe he can pull it off? More likely, his mound opponent (AAAA Scrub) will dominate our lineup. But hey, that's why they play the games on the field.